When In Doubt Blame The Rookie.....Game Eleven: Penguins At Coyotes

As Rob King said, fans are gonna think that the sky is falling. But we went outside today and it sure as hell isn't.

The Penguins haven't been shutout and they actually played one period. So, there's definitely room for improvement. Like we have said, there are worse things than being Penguins fans.

Like Thrashers fans.

Things we noticed while yelling at Wayne Gretzky from our couch.....

-Paul Steigerwald, the man of recycled ideas, blamed the loss on Alex Goligoski after Bob Errey mentioned that Goligoski had a turnover that led to a goal. So we will too.

Alex Scapegoligoski

-Everytime Jordan Staal takes a penalty, the other team scores. It happened in New York, it happened in Phoenix and it happened at the Mellon. He's a jinx like we've said before.

-Olli "Pig-face" Jokinen scored. What else is new? We don't like his face when he scores, it's too scary.

-Miroslav Satan's goal made Noodles jump up from the couch and yell, "W-T-F Miro?!" Too bad the brass in Phoenix is stuck in the stone ages and don't believe in photographers in the arena.

One of the most inappropriate pictures we've ever seen of Miroslav Satan...nice.

-Blah, blah, blah, Sidney Crosby is injured. No one knows how and it's weird. We shall call him the next Martin Havlat.

-The first intermission was Bob telling the Penguins that they suck and they better shoot the damn puck.

-Where was Kyle Turris? Henrik was disappointed that he didn't do anything.

He was too busy getting drunk with T.J. Oshie and Jonathan Toews.....burn.

-Shane Doan is a dick and we knew he would score, he always does.

-Breakout passes are non-existent. Where's Ryan Whitney when we need him? And Gonchar, of course.

-Lame game but it's only October.

Who's Your Daddy?

Recently, the Flyers did a Father's Trip. We think they're stealing everything the Penguins did to hopefully mirror their awesome season last year.

We were really thrilled about the trip, knowing that there would be pictures of the fathers and we could laugh about how some of the players look like their fathers and some clearly do not.

So here's a game: Try to figure out which daddy fathered which Flyer. It's harder than you think.

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1)
His son was part of the Peter Forsberg trade, something that we are sure David Poile regrets to this day. He also fought Tyler Kennedy in the play offs.


2)
We could give you the obvious hint but we wanna make this hard. His son's leadership skills is what makes him so important to the team.

3)

He just looks pretentious. And his son's name is even more pretentious, named after Chaucer. Lame.

4)
Nondescrpit defenseman and a very common last name. How fitting.

5)

We feel bad for this dad because we aren't sure if he knows that his son is a complete douchebag. If his son fell under a bus, we would back it up and run over him again.

6)

Concussion!

7)

We wonder if he told his son when he was small, "I don't cry and I don't whine." More than likely he did.

8)

What an extremely judgmental face. We wonder if he gave this look to the Capitals fan who threw a bottle at his son's head.

Answers:

Scottie Upshall Mike Richards

Joffrey LupulRandy Jones

Scott HartnellSimon Gagne

Marty BironJeff Carter

Go Us!

Guess what?

This is our official 100th post!

And we couldn't be more excited. Like "we are going to IKEA and eating all their tiny Swedish meatballs and doing Jagerbombs at three in the afternoon" excited.

This is us after the meatballs and Jagerbombs.

Just call us Canadiens fans.

The little things in life really, really make us go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

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To make this a legit post, we shall link to some news.

Therrien is shaking up the lines. Wow, never saw this coming [end sarcasm].

Dave Molinari tells yinz to simma dahn nah about the Penguins failboating this season. It ain't that bad. They could be the Thrashers.....

You tell them, sistah.

It's our 100th, damn we feel old.

San Jose Red Wings.....Game Ten: Penguins At Sharks

We have never fallen asleep during a Penguins game but last night, we almost did it. It could have been the 10:30 start or the TRAP! but either way, we did.

And that sucked.

San Jose is fierce.

We agree with John Tortorella. The Sharks can seriously win the Cup this year.

If they do win, Marian Hossa will be signing with them for a year next offseason when Detroit loses in the Western Conference Finals to San Jose.

(Ooooh, burn!)

What we noticed about the game....before we fell asleep....

-Bob and Paul were insane as usual. They talked about crazy shit for more than half the game. We guess that's how they kept themselves awake as well.

-The first intermission was what we live for. Brooks Orpik as a child may have been the cutest thing this side of The Omen.

-Petr Sykora should not be anywhere near the third line. We aren't coaches but everyone can tell that he's suffering playing with Jordan 'puckhog' Staal.

-Speaking of Jordan Staal, we would never want him to room with us. He is a walking jinx. And his scoring slumps might tansfer to us. Not cool.

-Sidney Crosby hates the star player(s) on every team. Either that or teams match him against the star players just so that he can get pissed off.

-Speaking of pissed off, when Fedotenko took the penalty during the Penguins power play in the third, Crosby shot the puck at the boards in frustration. Hmm, Cappy's angry.

-We can't help it but we absolutely love Ruslan Fedotenko. We just want him to do well and when he scored, we were thrilled.

-Nabokov is on Noodles fantasy team but even she was rooting for the Penguins to score. He deserves the Vezina but we all know who's gonna get it.

-Never thought we would say this but Hal Gill was missed and Mark Eaton was average. We may get smited by the mighty sword for saying that.

Top line duty, now. What a fierce picture.

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Hopefully, we won't fall asleep during the Phoenix game although that is highly unlikely since Henrik will be squeeing every time Kyle Turris steps onto the ice.

Get Back To The Carpet

Kindergarten Cop was the best movie in 1990, which made us about toddlers when the movie was in theaters.

If we saw Kindergarten Cop in the theaters, it would have changed our lives. We would have been valedictorians of our class at twelve and governors of Pennsylvania by twenty.

It would have changed our lives.


THERE IS NO BATHROOM!

We take John Kimble's advice to heart. There is no bathroom, just remember that Jordan Staal. There is no bathroom.

Awards Monday - Week Four

It's been a really full week of hockey and it took about.......five minutes to figure out who we would pick for the awards this week.

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Hottie Of The Week

Milan Lucic, Boston Bruins

This was a fairly obvious choice for hottie of the week. He had a hat trick against the Thrashers on Saturday.

The hatty!

The game they played before, he had a ooge hit on Mike Van Ryn. He broke the glass.

And some of the stupid fans picked up the glass and had to be taken to the hospital. The others were taken to one of the suites to watch the rest of the game.

Lucky.

We loved Milan before those arrogant Boston fans did. He isn't afraid of anyone and broke his nose twice in like one damn game. Boston fans will love him until he demands more money when he's 29.

Winner winner chicken dinner.

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Commercial Of The Night

The Code

We aren't even Canadian (obviously) but we love this commercial anyway. Awesome. This was played during the Edmonton/Vancouver game the other night and we couldn't stop laughing at it.

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The Ryan Malone Wheaties Award

New York Rangers coach, Tom Renney

He got douched in the face with his own player's stick and stayed on his damn feet.

He talks like an oldster, what with all the stupid stuff he says. We think that Jonathan "I Don't Want To Pump My Own Tires" Toews takes interview cues from him. They're both so old when they talk.

We Love The Penguins Rookie Defensemen

It isn't just the defense who are sick of Kris Letang's q&a sessions everyday. Everyone's in on the hate-wagon.

This article is about athletes giving their brains to science and Molinari asked the Penguins what they would donate to science.

Dupuis: "[Letang] is pretty young. I can give him my brain. It wouldn't hurt him."

Whitney: "I would definitely give Letang's brain. I would love to know what goes on in his head to make him say the things he does and ask the questions he does."

(Actually, we exaggerate. Just call us Bryan Murray.)



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NHL.com has a nice article about the rookie d-man on the Penguins (no, it isn't Ryan Whitney). And we like how they basically made Goligoski talk about Gonchar the whole interview.


Everyone knows he did it. Who wouldn't want to play in the NHL?

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Another article about the Penguins defense. Mark Eaton blames himself for the loss on Saturday. It's okay, we do too.

No, actually we don't. You can't blame Mark "Jesus" Eaton for anything.

The Curse Of The Mellon

It was two days later when the Mellon Arena ghosts took their Hurricanes sacrifice. Usually they go after a player when they're still in the arena. But not this time.

And their victim was the lone goal scorer that Thursday night for the Hurricanes, Brandon Sutter.



Luckily, Brandon Sutter did not die nor was his neck broken. It's just a concussion.

We like him so it kinda sucks to watch that video. But the kid should have had his head up, that's not debatable.

We Hate Shootouts.....Game Nine: Penguins At Rangers

Rangers 3 Penguins 2 SO

We've decided to do this recap in pictures only.

First Period

Second Period

Third Period

OT/Shootout

Aftermath

Single And On The Prowl No More

It only took about two months for Noodles to find a suitable replacement husband.

She says that Ryan Whitney will be back when he is no longer a gimp. It was fun while it lasted but the boot is gone so the limp isn’t as sexy.

We thought that our suggestions for husbands were really thought out and perfect for her.

Mats Sundin – he still isn’t relevant

Scott Gomez – getting shown up by a sophomore

Radek Bonk – his name is still awesome

She didn’t like any of them.

Apparently, Mats is an egomaniac. Who would have thought?

And Scott threw money around like he played for the Rangers.

Oh, and Radek, he forgot to show up to the date.

So, we just let it alone and let her wallow in her loneliness, watching games that meant nothing just to see if anyone, anyone caught her eye.

It got so bad that she was even considering calling up Cal Clutterbuck for a little steak and pasta. We had to rip the phone out of her hand.

But then one day, just out of the black and tan, Noodles found her new husband.

Hello Alex Goligoski.

They were married in a beautiful ceremony held at the downtown Marriott where we caught Ryan Whitney eating all the cake and Jordan Staal shotgunning cans of Beast.

Then the newly married couple went and got matching tattoos.

How sweet.

After the Jagerbombs wore off, we asked Noodles why she chose Alex as her husband replacement. And she gave us five reasons.

5. He’s a defenseman, duh
4. Has a super-awesome last name
3. Keeps the puck in the zone better than Zdeno Chara
2. Is a Penguin (totally a must)
1. Ears.

Eh, we really can’t complain. She could have married way worse.

It's Staal Time.....Game Eight: Hurricanes At Penguins

We were asleep by the third period but something happened and we woke up.

That something was Sidney Crosby's roar just before he tipped the puck in the net. He thought it was a high-stick, as if the the Next One actually does anything wrong...please.

Things we noticed from the game at the game.

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-There was this douchebag next to us who wouldn't shut up. We love when fans get into the game but he didn't have an inside voice when he was berating Kris Letang or Evgeni Malkin. One of our favorite lines of his was, "Now that's how a defensive play is made. Did you see that Letang?" Wow.

-Noodles, yet again, called Brandon Sutter's goal. She said, "Oh, Sutter. He hasn't scored yet, eh? Well, I hope he gets it today." Pause. "As long as it isn't the game-winner." What a moron.

-Eric Staal hates Sidney Crosby. We cannot figure out why.

-For the second home game in a row, they had kids playing hockey during the second intermission. Love. And they also interviewed Alex Goligoski (we saw it on one of the television sets in the suites). Win.

-Brooks Orpik looked lost without Kris Letang to pass to. We have one thing to say to the coaching staff, "DO NOT BREAK UP DEFENSIVE PAIRINGS!" Just slip Darryl-pickle in wherever he needs to go, like with Dumper Bob, where Halbert was. Enough.

-The Hurricanes are boring. And we missed yelling at Eric Staal's husband to stop freezing the puck...oops, we meant Cam Ward.

-Jordan Staal was a beast the whole game. He dominated on face-offs and just played balls out. We haven't seen a player so deserving of a goal in a long time. But an assist is just as great.

-Peter Laviolette doesn't believe in defense. We wanna ask him if he believes third periods are like the Bermuda Triangle.

-Who does Max Talbot think he is? Sidney Crosby? Seriously, that goal was sweet and the celebration was even better. We were rooting for him to get one.

-Rod Brind-Amour whines. At every stoppage in play he's talking to the referee. Who does that, seriously?

-We were waiting for one of the Canes to get hurt. Because we know that they cannot leave the Mellon with all their players intact. We think they left unscathed because Erik Cole wasn't there to give them some bad mojo.

-Fleury has been playing out of his mind and the Fleury chants are always fun. He deserved the goal and we loved that he went for it. If he was on Washington, he would have gotten benched for doing that. Just ask Ovechkin.