aka Playoff Beard Takeover.
Or something like that.
Media Day starts out with an extremely dramatic montage of Devils and Kings highlights of how they got to the Stanley Cup Finals. That's probably top three biggest goals of Adam Henrique's life. Ditto for Dustin Penner.
Kathryn Tappen looked very summery in pink and white. Barry Melrose is an idiot. And Kevin Weekes is biased, everyone knows he loves the Devils. Kidding.
First up is Peter DeBoer, the head coach of the New Jersey Devils.
TOO MUCH ANALYSIS, WE WANNA SEE PLAYER INTERVIEWS COME ON!!!
The first appearance of Sweet Lou Lamoriello. Oh how we missed his aged face.
Okay, here we go now.
Martin Brodeur. Looks like he's twelve.
If you think the Devils don't need Travis Zajac then you're freaking high. Seriously, he could be the most important player for their team. Zach Parise needs him. Ilya Kovalchuk needs him. The whole team needs his skills.
Also, the Parise-Zajac bromance is seriously underrated. Like, no one knows or cares about it but it's there and it's epic.
Hey, Patrik Elias. He still plays for the Devils.
Seriously, NHL Network has to get their audio shit together.
Anton Volchenkov sighting! He still looks like a little boy, aw.
Ilya Kovalchuk. What are those black pinstripe pants? Did Mr. Weekes pick those our for you? Holy rusted metal, they're bad.
Also his hair, it's very Howdy Doody in this picture.
Onto the Kings!
Oh jeez, Jonathan Quick.
We will say it again, goalies are weird.
(PS- NHL.com totally stole our joke.
Dustin Brown looks like he would rather be anywhere but where he is at Media Day. Also, he looks a lot like Captain Quint from 'Jaws'. Don't deny it, he does.
*Fun fact - first time in NHL history that two American captains will be facing off against each other...America, hell yeah.*
There is so much about him that is perfect. Like the beard. And the dominance he's displayed in the playoffs so far. He's definitely a huge part of the Kings success so far.
Anze Kopitar is up next. He has no accent, how is that possible?
Drew Doughty again? He makes a joke about people thinking the LA Kings are the Sacramento Kings and no one laughs. It's okay, Drew. We laughed. We truly did.
Aw, Luc Robitaille is an adorable silver fox.
And then they go to Jeff Carter.
We might not have mentioned it yet but seeing Doug Weight on NHL Network gets our eyelashes a-batting. He is another sexy silver fox that we appreciate looking at as he sits next to dapper Kevin Weekes.
Ohhh speaking of the devil, here's Mike Richards.
And then he mentions that he and Jeff are living together. Unprompted. Of course. And it's adorable.
OMG Darryl Sutter's shirt...he looks like a farmer.
And as always, there are a ton of photos of the guys from both teams that the NHL Network decided were not worth the time to show on their THREE HOUR SHOW! Seriously, we have to look at a bloated and red-faced Barry Melrose incorrectly predict everything instead of listening to the players that were not interviewed.
There were rookies/sort of rookies crammed at a table and no one talked to them? Jeeeeeeeeesus people. We should be running the NHL Network.
Anyway, here are the pictures of the guys that were not interviewed and we have the questions that we think should have been asked of them.
Who is the better American: Zach Parise or Patrick Kane? Try not to be biased.
PS, you are definitely rocking a ginger beard.
Are you excited to be reunited with the BROMANCE OF THE CENTURY in Richards and Carter? Are there a lot of long-suffering sighs and looks of love between them in the locker room? How does that make you feel?
We don't think we've ever seen you play a game as a Devil? Do not lie to us.
How are you a brunette and allowed to say that you're Swedish? Isn't that illegal? Did your mother keep you in a basement until you escaped to America where no one would know you were the black sheep of the family?
How does it feel to have no one know your name? Except your teammates, of course.
How's Courtney? We miss our den mother. Will you let her know that we still want her in Pittsburgh if she will have us?
You're adorable, you know that? We like everything about your face, sir. It's a very nice face.
How long is your stick really? We don't need someone else accusing you of having an illegal stick.
We're just wondering...for science.
We hope you enjoyed our recap of this spectacular day and also our hard-hitting questions as journalists. Or something like that.