(It hits newsstands October 7th.)
That means he will be naked and posing. That means we don't have to be subjected to Chara's nekkid body again. Although that picture is hard to forget.
AHHHHHHHUGHAAAAHHHHHHWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Okay, but we approve of this man gracing the pages of ESPN.
We really, really do.
And of course this makes us think about all of the other hockey players we could be subjecting to this humiliation/objectification.
And our minds are blown from all of the hotness hitting our senses. Just take a minute, think about your favorite hockey player with no clothes on.
Yes, we just made you do it. And now your mind is blown.
Who would you force into the pages of ESPN to bare it (almost) all? We have our top seven, of course. Wanna know who they are?
1. Henrik Lundqvist
2. Shea Weber
3. Ryan Callahan
4. Drew Stafford
5. Luke Schenn
6. Brooks Laich
7. Sidney Crosby
This took a lot of fighting and throwing things and general craziness in the house to come up wit this list. We each had a top seven then combined it to make one. Because we like to be democratic like that.
What's your list...and why if you're so inclined...
22 comments:
I give you major props for being mature adults and compromising like grown-up types do. Well done. I am down with at least 3 of your choices, but I would juggle/tweek as follows. Your list needs to be longer, btw:
1. Shea Weber. Explanation as to why should be completely unnecessary. If you're scratching your head, you should be putting cover-up on your lobotomy scars.
2. Brent Seabrook. Beautiful. Big. Stupid. HOT.
3. Duncan Keith. Beautiful. Big. Weird. HOT.
4. Patrick Sharp. Beautiful. Brilliant. Silly. HOT.
5. Adam Burish. Beautiful. Smart. Silly. HOT.
6. Drew Stafford. Beautiful. Sexy. Goofy. HOT.
7. Luke Schenn. Beautiful. Probably still smells like baby powder.
Boom. JetPuffs to you, too.
First time posting here.
1.) Kris Letang- I mean c'mon Mr. Sex Hair.
2.)Vladimir Sobotka- the man is sexy.
3.)Duncan Keith- Just not the hillbilly Duncan Keith
4.)Jon Toews
5.)Sideny Crosby
6.) I'm not gonna lie I wouldn't mind seeing Partrick Kane naked and he wouldn't mind showing it off.
7.) Max Talbot- He took my heart while he was in Pittsburgh and tore it in half when he went to Philly. =[
Happy birthday, Noodles!
I'm having a tough time unwrapping my brain from the delicious anticipation of seeing Mr. Kesler sans clothing...however...
1. Andrew Ference - the parts I've seen look baaad (and I mean that in a good way), so the rest must be as well
2. David Clarkson - that look in his eye has to be there for a reason (reason being extreme hotness)
3. Mike Peluso - OK, so I totally flirted with a tall guy at the '95 Devils Cup celebration to get him to put me on his shoulders so I could see Mike better. Therefore, I have practically whored myself for him. I deserve some goodies for that!
I love this post. I, too, fantasized that I was the editor in charge of this issue. So, my top 7 list includes (and yes, it's incredibly Penguin-centric):
1. Sidney Crosby. Because he is the human equivalent of Michelangelo's David.
2. Evgeni Malkin. Because I love him unlike any other Russian.
3. Jonathan Toews. Because I am trying to imagine Captain Serious with those intense eyes in the buff.
4. Jordan Staal. Gorgeous.
5. Rick Nash. I am slowly unraveling as I write this list.
6. Shea Weber. WITH playoff beard, please.
7. Eric Staal. Can we just get a group Staal naked pic?
I am dead.
Happy Birthday!
I am not a mature adult.
@Brittany I am all for the naked Staal boys family photo. They should really be sending out Christmas cards like that. Get that shit printed up at Walgreens. FELIZ NAVIDAD!
1. Jordan Staal. I am convinced that man has to roll his business up like a garden hose
1a. Because I am a cheater and combining Staals seems logical. (see: Staal Sandwich) Eric Staal.
2. Duncan Keith. I am too speechless to explain. Just PLEASE shampoo the flow. You are a beautiful hunk of man but the greasy thing is not working.
3. Kevin Bieksa. This picture causes ovulation http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l963jdbOd31qdhrgro1_500.jpg
4. Sidney Crosby.
5. Dan Boyle. OH.MY.
6. Henrik Lundqvist
7. Nik Lidstrom
I could go on all day. But I won't.
Bonus answer. Person I NEVER want to see nekkid: Mike Green
1. Ryan Kesler. Terrible tattoo and all. I just can't help it. I think it's the snark that did me in. The airport damn well better have that issue of ESPN Magazine on sale that morning so I can snag one before leaving the country for two weeks, is all I'm saying.
2. Shea Weber. For ALL THE REASONS.
3. Duncan Keith. I have a thing about the hair. And the shoulders. And the fact that he reads, and what he reads about is serial killers. Just, awesome.
4. Kevin Bieksa. Intense, super fucking hot, sense of humor. These are all good things.
5. Kris Letang. Unfairly beautiful.
6. Carey Price. Pretty sure the guy is seriously gorgeous under all that goalie gear.
7. Zach Parise. Clean-cut, all-American (well, give or take, anyway) golden boy, what's not to love?
@Esbee:
5. Dan Boyle.
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!??
No. Just. NO. We'll talk. I'll fly you out. Srlsy. Whatever. There are THINGS you need to know that will compel you to swap out your number five for somebody - anybody! - else. Think popcorn, Al Peck's Used Fruit and any given record featuring Mike Patton. I implore you.
I'm kind of late to the party but here goes:
1. Jordan Staal - for the reasons listed above, need I say more?
2. Jonathan Toews - because Captain Serious is probably seriously buff.
3. Max Talbot - cheeky and hot.
4. Zach Parise - can anyone give me a reason why you wouldn't?
5. Eric Staal - bet it runs in the family
6. Patrick Sharp - beau beau beau.
7. Niklas Hjalmarsson - totally underated hotness
If I didn't have to get ready for the game (Hawks/Pens wooooooooo). I'd jump in too so this will have to wait. But I will say I never expected such love and admiration for Duncs!!!! Really?? Really??
And didn't you gals see Jonny's Mens Health spread last summer? (That's yer cue, MG)
This post made my ovaries go 'splode
Okay here. And here. There.
Cannot believe no one said Ethan Moreau, hottest guy in the NHL...Or Sheldon Sourey
I do love how...3...2...1....SERIOUS Jonny looks in those pics. God dude will someone just pass him a fucking bowl already? (Bolly, I'm looking in your direction...)
Okay, my quick list as my buzz from the three Stellas wears off (three in three periods! Shutup I didn't eat!)
1. Marc-Andre Fleury...goalies always have me intrigued cuz you never really think that their body might look different from say a forward or a d-man but it must, right? Different job, different muscles? Well let's let Flower prove us right/wrong...
2. Shea...beard intact. Absofuckinlutely.
3. Letang. Nobrainer. Literally.
4. King Henrik. Only wearing a crown. Mmmm.
5. Seabs--if you PROMISE that he gets a full bodywax/ serious photoshopping before publishing
6. Nathan Horton. Grrr. Mommy like. (and just when you're grrring, that SMILE...BOOM.)
7. Marian Fucking Hossa. Because he is a GOD.
I think that's as far as I can go at the moment. Because once you've gone Slovak...well, you know the rest.
At this point, I'm pretty good with seeing anyone naked.
Sorry I'm so late to the party. My computer was freaking out on me last night. Anywhos...I'm here now & I very much enjoy everyone's picks (except Dan Boyle *shuttering at the thought*). I think it goes without saying that I'd very much like to see Shea Weber's sha-boing-boing but, he's on everyone else's list. So, I decided to think outside of the box a little bit on this one. Here's my list, in no particular order:
Paul Stastny - The shy ones are always packing heat. This is a fact.
TJ Oshie - I'd like to see what TJ's working with.
Alex Goligoski - I'm thinking Goose is hung like a horse.
Eric Brewer - He's gorgeous. That is all.
Kris Versteeg - Because he's a beauty.
Mikko Koivu - I want to know if he's a real blonde ;o) & DEFENSE!
Jamal Mayers - I can't believe nobody's picked him yet.
Honorable mention - Burrito! He's smart, charming, witty, & pretty easy on the eyes.
Player I NEVER want to see naked - Sean Avery. I just threw up in my mouth a little while typing that.
@Shanny--now that I'm seeing Jamal on a regular basis, I concur. DAMN GIRL. My bad. And other outdated phrases. Can't believe I left him AND Montador off my list.
Here you go gowings19
http://www.canescountry.com/2010/2/2/1289840/this-week-we-will-have-a-special
1) Mike Richards, those who know me shouldn't have to ask why. The wake surfing video was enough to send me to the shower, but losing the shorts would surely blow my mind.
2) Jeff Carter, because I want to know if all the rumors are true.
3) Vladmir Sobotka, so pretty.
4) Duncan Keith, because.
5) Kris Letang, as @TaylorGNR said, Mr. Sex Hair.
I'll stop there, but I could go on and on.
@mouthguard
Ok y'all I have no idea why Dan Boyle should skeeve me out but hey I am here to listen. Mouthguard you gotta tell me where I am flying out to so I know what to pack. Willing to learn these THINGS at any time.
Now I need to go put on my Duncan Keith shirsey because it will be JUST like he is here. *sigh*
@Grace: Mike Richards was my number 8. That's why I wanted this list to be longer than 7. :)
@Esbee: You are more than making up for Boyleboy by celebrating the ridiculously beautiful perfection that is Duncan Keith. BUT, that said... Boyleboy is a problem for these - and many more! - reasons:
1) He scratches his crotch (in public!) when he's supposed to be quarterbacking the PP. No really he does. Noodles knows this and saw firsthand also. Right, N?
2) He scratches his crotch (in public!) just 'cause. He's that a-hole who ruins your chipbowl because he can't help himself and then sticks the very same hand in the bowl of chips and everybody is instantly repulsed and wants none of your crunchies as a consequence. A party pooper, if you will. He poops on your party.
3) He will show up at your house unannounced/uninvited, and will help himself to your microwave popcorn. He will eat bag upon bag of same on your just-steamcleaned couch. In his bathrobe. Yes, he changes into his bathrobe when he arrives at your house.
4) He changes the channel on your TV to Animal Planet "Meerkat Manor"), "Metal Mania" on VHI Classic (I mean, how many times can somebody watch Scorpions' "No One Like You" and Queensryche's "I Don't Believe In Love" people? If you're Dan Boyle, you can watch these two vids forEVER and EVR, apparently.), and "Silent Library" on MTV2. I love "Silent Library" but I don't love how Boyleboy laughs whenever somebody gets smacked in the face with a cupcake.
5) He forgets to flush.
6) He chatters when I want him to shut up and he's quiet when I need me some feedback.
7) He's from OTTAWA.
8) He smokes way too much weed. WAY too much.
9) He's always asking people if he can borrow a cigarette.
10) Despite repeated admonishments, he squeezes peaches and tomatoes at Mollie Stones and that pisses off the produce department big-time. So embarrassing.
11) He is the Puddy to my Elaine. We have broken up and made up so many times I have lost count. It's not worth the dram, Esbee. It's just not worth it.
So do yourself a huge favor and sub in say, Ryan Suter, Cody Franson or Cheesy Chili Cheeseburgers into your number 5 slot. Somebody. Anybody. Or a fast food item.
Thank you and you're welcome.
@mouthguard I appreciate your due diligence in informing me. I am not pleased at this crotch scratching bidness. The bathrobe isn't a deal breaker but the no flushing is. And the scratching. Oh the scratching. I cannot abide by the scratching.
I will not let him squeeze my produce.
I have plenty of backups in my who I want to see naked list. I will find a suitable substitution who does not reek of wacky tobacky and poo poo hands.
@Esbee: I hate to say "I tole ya so" but you will see - just watch when the season starts, friend... You will see for yourself. The scratching. It's the SCRATCHING. This will prove to be deal-breaker. It has packed major doughnut-top poundage onto poor Todd McClellan, and it will be your undoing soon enough as well. He will be scratching when of course he should be doing more pressing tasks like I don't know SCORING and SHIT LIKE THAT.
Ryan Suter. Just pick Ryan Suter. He's an all-American soybean farmer from a town down the road from where my Mommy grew up in Wisconsin. He minds his P's and Q's and knows his ABC's and 666's. And his hair is all ringlets and he has the sweetest boyfren smile. He's also a BITCH on the PK and the PP. Ryan Suter. BOOM. xxx MG
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