San Jose Sharks
Man, the Sharks. Where do we even begin? Seriously? It's almost too easy to make fun of them though we know that MouthGuard would want us to.
We will try to steer clear of the most obvious jokes. Try our hardest, of course.
The season ended poorly for the Sharks, getting run over by the Canucks in a brutal series. Big players didn't show up again and not to make excuses but injuries were a huge part of it.
But it can't be counted as a failure since they did make it to the Conference Finals. The Canucks were hot, what did you expect?
The off season for the Sharks has been a little more interesting and intriguing. Gone is Dany Heatley and his uncontrollable stick. Gone is Devin Setoguchi and his bromance with Logan Couture.
In with the new. The Sharks defense corps has been almost completely overhauled. Brent Burns had brought his smiling face to the Bay Area to clean up in the d-zone. And Jim Vandermeer is here to fuck shit up.
Hopefully for the Sharks and their fans, this is the team to do some damage in the playoffs.
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General Manager - still good ol' Doug Wilson
Coach - Todd McLellan, anyone else think he's aging really fast nowadays?
Team Captain - Mr. Joe Thornton
Player(s) everyone should love - Brent Burns
It ain't cheating if we've liked him FOREVER. Who doesn't like a guy that has missing teeth and love reptiles?
Player we don’t love - Doug Murray
We just got shivers...in a bad way.
Who they got - Brent Burns, Martin Havlat, Jim Vandermeer, Andrew Murray, Colin White & Michal Handzus
Who they lost - Scott Nichol, Kent Huskins, Ian White, Jamal Mayers, Ben eager, Devin Setoguchi & Dany Heatley
Located at - HP Pavilion
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Hotness level - 5
We feel that a five is as accurate as we can get with this. It does help that Dany Heatley and his perm are gone but Brent Burns can only do so much with the team that he's given. We gave an extra point for the cute that is Jamie McGinn.
7 comments:
WTF???
A "5"???
You guys are WAAAYYYY generous. WAAAYYYY. More like a 1. A 1!!!
And you just had to make me look at ONE MORE PIC of the Turdburgler, didn't you? A parting tribute shot, eh? The fine citizens of Minnesota can have his perm, his wonky eye and his BAD MOJO. Good riddance, Turdburgler. Question is, what are the 5,0000,0000,0000,0000 curly fry-eating bimbos who bought pink Turdburgler Shark jerseys gonna do now that - sniff sniff - he got TRADED? Oh, the horror.
Todd McLellan is the hottest guy on the Sharks. So be careful. The problem is, his players and his bosses are making him FAT. He's not aging. He's just ballooning into a morbidly obese raccoon as we speak. He just bought 12 Groupons for That Takes the Cake as "cupcake gifts" for his friends but c'mon. I have seen him sneak in there are stuff his piehole with entire sheets of Alfred Hitchocolates (chocolate overload) and Elvis Has Left the Buildings (banana with peanut butter ganache).
I pity the fool who roots for this hot mess of a team. :) I'll cheer for Brent Burns though, 'cause he's tasty like that...
Is there a certain format you guys would like our One-A-Day posts in? I plan to send mine to you tomorrow afternoon.
@MouthGuard:
It felt like no matter what we did, we couldn't win with you on this subject but a 5 is what they got and a 5 is where they will be which is 'decent and not overly wonky looking'. If we gave them a 6 then you could have come to PA and stabbed us. You have my permission.
@Kylie:
If by format you mean like Word or something else then that's fine (we can pretty much work with anything)and if you mean format like how to do it then just follow what we've been doing for the last couple of One-A-Days.
@Noodles and Henrik
Awesome! I wasn't sure if there was a fancy format you wanted it in, or if Word was ok. Thanks!
I like to pretend that Owen Nolan is still on this team.
I know that was many moons ago. Just let me be.
@N&H: Stabbing, eh? Much too violent! I had something more along the lines of "slow torture" in mind. Such as:
** Sitting on your couch, watching an infomercial marathon with Patrick Marleau and his eyeballs. He's taking notes on that special no-fail toenail clipper for cats thingie...;
** Watching Ryan Clowe eat cheddar and sour cream kettle chips on that same couch during the very same marathon;
** Watching Douglas Murray pick a fight with Ryan Clowe over the same motherfucking bag of chips. What is up with these chips, man?
** Dan Boyle asking you every two seconds if you have a churchkey he can borrow, if we can change the channel and if it's okay to make some popcorn;
** Logan Couture asking if you've got any Tums;
** Joe Thornton has "offered" to "do" a load of your whites but by "do" he means he will try on all your thongs after the final spin cycle and mismatch/lose your socks.
Torture. That's what it's all about here.
@Grace: OMFG!!! Owen Nolan cleared to "try out" with the Canucks???!!!
Ewwwwwwww!!!!!!!! Still pine for him now???!!!
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