Wednesday, August 31, 2011

One-A-Day: Pittsburgh Penguins

Sadly, the Penguins are the last of the One-A-Days. It is by far one of our funnest features on the blog and the one that definitely gets the fans out from their summer slumber.

Thanks to everyone who participated and also to the commenters on the posts because both make the blog a better place to visit.

-&-

Pittsburgh Penguins


Where do we even start? There are so many things to discuss: the terrible start to the season/Fleury's failure then they kicked it into high gear in November, 'the concussion', the Brawl on Long Island, so many injury woes, the Tampa Bay Lightning spanking, the Talbot un-signing. So many things to discuss.


But we go for the hard-hitting news here, as always. And one thing that has been on our mind is 'What jersey should Noodles buy for the season?' Seriously, it has been.

Kidding. Although that is for another post.

What we want to talk about is the future of the Penguins. Everyone knows what happened last season.

What we don't know is what is going to happen this season.

Shero tried unsuccessfully to sign Max Talbot to a three-year contract but that wasn't to be. And Jagr said 'see ya later' and jumped ship to the Flyers. It seemed like no one was left for Shero to sign.

But he's always been the king of the high risk/high reward signings/trades. And the underrated ones. For example, Petr Sykora. He was streaky but he was a huge part of the Penguins Cup run. An example of a bad one would be Alexei Ponikarovsky. We pretend that it didn't happen.

This past offseason, Shero signed Steve Sullivan to a one-year deal. We are extremely excited to see him in a Penguins uniform because we believe in Shero's Kool-aid and drink it with a smile on our faces.


We only have hope for this upcoming season. Every team is on the starting line and even with one another. (Except for the Senators, we don't know what happened there). Every team has a chance, for the first month of course.

There are several things that we're excited about as Penguins fans. And here they are in a Top Ten sort of way.

01. the return of Sidney Crosby (it will happen and he will be glorious)

02. James Neal playing with Crosby, excuse us while we fan-girl over that tandem


03. everything that Craig Adams chooses to be

04. maybe Matt Cooke has changed, well, now it's proving time Mister

05. apparently Malkin is ready for this season, hopefully that means Canadian ready and not Russian ready because there is a difference

06. Steve McIntyre's first fight in a Penguins uniform, lifelong fans will be made when he does

07. this is Eric Tangradi's last chance to prove it or lose it


08. Jordan Staal and his exasperated face will be on our television screens for the next six or so months

09. hey Dan Bylsma, how you doin'?

10. Marc-Andre Fleury's saves

11. the hope and the sadness and the joy and the screaming and the roller coaster games that this team has us go through year after year

Ray says, "Let's get this party started, peasants."

Now, onto the team.

-&-

General Manager - Ray Shero

Coach - Dan Bylsma


Team Captain - Sidney Crosby

Player(s) everyone should love - Craig Adams

if you ask why, please stop reading this blog

Player we don’t love - still Arron Asham, personal taste

Who they got - Jason Williams, Steve Sullivan, Alexandre Picard & Steve McIntyre

Who they lost - Mike Rupp, Eric Godard, Max Talbot, Brett Sterling, Boris Valabik, Corey Potter, Ryan Craig, Chris Conner, Mike Comrie & John Curry


Located at - Consol Energy Center (home of the impossible exit)

-&-

Hotness level - 6

Keep your earrings on, ladies. There are reasons for the number. Every team starts with a 10 and we work from there.

The loss of Mike Rupp's family values and dirty mouth took the Penguins down a notch. And so did the loss of Eric Godard. We are still mourning the departure of the nicest man ever. Both of their departures impact the hotness level by docking four points total. That's a 6.

The addition of James Neal adds two points. So that's an 8. And Deryk Engelland's defense combined with Zbynek Michalek's face gives the team another point. If you're following, 9 right now.

But then there's a minus for Kris Letang's hair when he has it tooooooo long. And another one for Boris Valabik and another minus for Arron Asham. That's 6.

We can't forget about Sidney Crosby's booty-bounce and his skillz. That's a point. Then another for Chris Kunitz's voice and hedgehog hair. Now that's another 8.

As we continue down the roster, there's a plus for Eric Tangradi's face. So far, 9. And a minus for Paul Martin the Keebler Elf. And another two minuses Pascal Dupuis's unibrow. So unsexy.

So there you have it, 6. Whew, that was hard.

12 comments:

Michelle said...

The Shero-Aid ad is so genius! Is that another side effect of drinking it? If so, please pour me a tall one.

Val said...

Not much I can write about this post except that it is sheer brilliance and the mathematical calculations used in determining the hotness factor...well, let's just say they are in the realm of brilliantly genius...YES!

Esbee said...

NOOOOOOOOO!!!! I don't want the one-a-days to be over! (whining isn't helping but I loved them and will miss them).

I miss Sid. He is on one of my All Star t-shirts and I feel like am supposed to white out his face or something since he wasn't there. I miss his hockey. And yes I miss his ass. A lot. I got ticket to the Canes/Pens game this year and he better be there. I do not understand the Sid haters at all. I won't be rooting for him that night but I still want to watch him.

Sidney+Jordan (HTBMM #3) =1million points in Esbee math. I will refrain from typing a tome on how much I love Jordan Staal (again). But OMG I LOVE JORDAN STAAL. I can't love Kris Letang completely until he discovers shampoo.

Love, love, love Craig Adams. He is still loved here. When Jim Rutherford did an interview on local radio to talk about the contracts and describe our new guys he compared Tim Brent to Craig Adams. That was a HUGE compliment.

Russian Ready! Oh yeah my fitness/diet plan doesn't even live up to that. Maybe I need to start swilling vodka to improve things.

p.s. JORDAN STAAL

kim.ber.li said...

That was a lot of math hahaha! I thought everyone loved Letang's hair...

Speaking of, I was in Pittsburgh this past weekend so I decided I wanted to get a Letang shirt :D. But alas, Dick's was sold out of Letang-merch. Probably snatched up by all those Lemangs bahahaha!

AussieGal said...

As a Pens fan I'm hanging for Sid to be back in fine form, meanwhile Geno's looking like hs old self and is raring to go Canadian style. Did anyone see that vid of Tanger working out? dude is going to be a manbeast this season!

Note to Jordan Staal: Pull your finger out love, your form last season was woeful and I expect you to do better this season.

Susan said...

Great post, but so sad the one-a-days are over. But, wait! That means we are inching ever closer to HOCKEY SEASON! Whoo hoo!
I am really hoping we will see Sid sooner rather than later and that he and Neal will be an awesome duo on the ice. Malkin & Letang & Staal will be beasts. This is going to be a GOOD year! GO PENS!!!

Brittany said...

I absolutely cannot wait for the season to start. I really want Geno to kick it into high gear. He has been training like a maniac and I cannot wait to see him in action. I'm still mourning the losses of Rupper, Godard, and Talbot (and obviously Sid, in the short term), but I have high hopes for this season.

Disco will work his magic.

Jennifer said...

I also bought a preseason ticket for the Hawks/Pens as they are only coming here ONCE this season (or, really PREseason) and when I heard Sid wasn't/maybe/probably/who knows gonna be there I was a little disheartened. Then I thought of Flower and all was okay.

HEY, where's Flower on that list???

Mmmm, Letang locks.....me likey.

No more One a Days...me no likey.

Jennifer said...

Oh and Craigy. Mmmm Craigy.

msd said...

I have been giving most teams more hotness points than the reviewer and my Pens will be no different. As Esbee pointed out JORDAN STAAL. If Marc is the "weakest link" in the HTBMM then Jordan is the strongest, shiniest link of all. Worth a point or two.
If you're going to take away a point for when Letang's hair gets too long you should add a point for the le-swoon. I'm willing to cut him a little slack in cleanliness I thing we mostly see him sweaty. So that would leave Kris even.

What about the toughest goalie in the NHL? Johnny, that sweet face with a little gap between the teeth melts my heart. Orpik, because Brooks putting that hit on Stamkos (among many others) was hot. Fleury's perpetual smile. Surely there's a point among these guys

While I think Guy Boucher may be the best looking coach in the NHL, Disco is no slouch. I know we haven't been adding owners but really we win hands down

Esbee said...

Oh I would totally do Disco Dan. He actually IS in my appropriate real life dating age range.

msd said...

I'm going to do a little PR for Arron Asham.

I get that some of you just don't like him. I didn't like him last year. It felt too much like we traded Billy G for him and that he didn't want to be here.
Without Max I think (a healthy) Asham will be getting more minutes and more "Max like" minutes playing up and down the lines. In the playoffs he showed he's got some skills.
I'm a TOTAL stats geek so I started comparing their numbers. In a fair comparison you must use Total Time On Ice as opposed to games played. In the regular season Max played 1235 minutes. He had 154 hits, 40 blocked shots, 8 goals and 13 assists. Asham had 107 hits, 16 blocked shots, 5 goals and 6 assists in 420 minutes. He played about 1/3 the minutes that Max played. If you extrapolate those numbers, Asham would have had 314 hits, 47 blocked shots, 15 goals, 17 assists. I won't even go into the ratio of Give Aways vs Take Aways!
On top of that I saw him interviewed on the Pens website, he smiled, sounded happy and even made a little joke!

I know fans are going to miss Max in many different ways, but I might miss his play less than I thought I would.

** These numbers are for comparison only and do not constitute a guarantee from me that he will match them** lol