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Philadelphia Flyers
The 2010-2011 season for the Flyers can best be described as the tale of 2 seasons. In the first half of the season, they briefly led the league in points. The angst that a fan often feels when watching their team wasn’t there. They were winning lots of games, and winning them solidly. Players and fans were gloating in the awesomeness of it all.
But sometime around December, everything seemed to change. Dry Island anyone?
Aside from losing 0-5 to the Panthers on 12/20, they had a long, maybe too long, Christmas break. They started to lose or barely win games that should have been easy against bottom dwellers like the Senators and Islanders. Worse yet, some of them didn’t seem to care. They had a “we’ll get them next game” attitude and promised to “flip the switch” in the playoffs.
Come playoff time, the team sort of showed up, but so did Ryan Miller. They barely beat the Sabres in the first round. What will best be remembered from the series? Mike Richards is a mass murderer. Thanks Miller, I did not know that.
As a fan, there are 2 teams I did not want the Flyers to face in the playoffs, the Lightning and the Bruins. Both gave the team fits in the regular season. And because the Canadiens weren’t able to pull off the upset this year, the Flyers marched up to Beantown for the second round and had their asses handed to them in a 4 game sweep. Kimmo Timonen said it best via @Euroflyers: “The better team won. It’s a fact. We just couldn’t get going for some fucking reason.”
It may seem strange to say this, but the Flyers season, in which they were 2nd in the Eastern Conference and 1st in the Atlantic, will be remembered as a failure. Where the team goes from here is anyone’s guess. The off-season was pretty f’d up to put in nicely.
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General Manager: Paul Holmgren (Homer) – I don’t know what this guy was smoking this summer, but I’ve got Dr. Drew’s number and I’m not afraid to use it.
Coach: Peter Laviolette (Lavy) – loved this guy up until the playoffs. His decision to sit Sergei Bobrovsky and put in Michael Leighton was monumentally bad. Hopefully his hockey smarts are back after the loooong summer break.
Hey Lavy, what did you think of the second half of the season?
Team Captain: Who the hell knows? Meh. It will probably be Pronger, who will then spend half the season “leading” from the press box with an upper body injury. No, I am not bitter! I just want Mike Richards back!
(If I could vote, I would choose Timonen as the new Captain.)
Players everyone should love:
Claude Giroux – With the trades this summer, Giroux is set to become the face of the franchise. And it’s such a lovely face.
I have yet to hear from a Flyers fan that doesn’t like/love him. No surprise he won team MVP this past season. Also, he has the most man-crushes of any player on the team. It’s true. I’ve seen heterosexual men on FB fighting over him. Let’s just go to the video:
Couple shorties to start the season. No biggie.
Hide yo kids! Hide yo wife! And yes, hide yo husband!
Side note: I met Giroux at last year’s Flyers Carnival and he was an absolute sweetheart. While I still wanted to pinch his cheeks (see last year’s one a day), I settled for a high five.
James Van Riemsdyk – JVR had an up and down season, but last impressions often mean the most. He was beastin’ in the playoffs and now people are starting to talk more about his play, then THE MOLE. Ack!
Maxime Talbot, aka the Winter Classic man-whore – I had to laugh when this signing came through. Talbot is one of those guys you hate when he isn’t on your team, and love him when he is. Flyers fans don’t appreciate being shushed, but they’ll get over it. I’m sure he will be a fan favorite. Sorry Pittsburgh.
Brayden Schenn – I’m just assuming at this point he makes the team. And all I can say about him is that after his hat trick at the Flyers development camp, I’m pretty sure some girls in Philly are now pregnant.
Danny Briere – Good ol’ Danny boy. While he takes some dumb penalties, Danny’s natural scoring ability cannot be denied. Also he’s probably the nicest player on the team in terms of dealing with fans and the media.
Players we don’t love: This is tough. Since I barely know this new team, I can only say that if Ilya Bryzgalov isn’t amazing, fans will not be happy. He better get at least one shutout (the supposedly top ranked Flyers defense can share the blame in getting the team ZERO shutouts last season).
And Leighton, forget about him. He actually went AWOL after the Buffalo series. True story. This name is now considered a dirty word in Philly and, fingers crossed, he will be buried in the minors.
The Off-season, aka the team implosion
Who they lost: When the team traded for the rights to negotiate with Bryzgalov, it was obvious someone(s) would have to go to be under the cap. Names such as Matt Carle, Kris Versteeg, Scott Hartnell, and Jeff Carter were thrown around among fans and media. After lying to the press and to Carter himself, it is clear I would never play poker with Homer. The first bomb was dropped on 6/23, sometime around 1pm when I thought, "Hey, I wonder if anything is going on. Let’s give Twitter a look.”
*long pause* “Ohhh, Carter was just traded.”
I sat down and slowly started to scroll through the mass of “oh my god” tweets when Eklund tweeted something like this, “Bigger move is coming from the Flyers” and I knew exactly what he meant. Howard Eskin, a local reporter, who has managed to scoop a couple injury stories this year, had mentioned early in the post season that Mike Richards was being shopped. Either people didn’t believe him, or were in denial like myself. Anyway, a half hour after Carter was traded, so was his bff. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!
End of a bromance. This picture was actually taken AFTER the trade. Nice shirt Richie, way to stab me in the heart.
Richie: "The organ-I-zation in Philly has treated me really well . . . but they can take their dry island and shove it." (disclaimer - only a semi real quote)
*sigh* Ok, moving on.
Who else did they lose? Darroll Powe; Dan Carcillo; Kris Versteeg; Sean O’Donnell; Brian Boucher; Nikolai Zherdev and Ville Leino (who violated the Sabres and will spin-o-rama his way up to Buffalo).
Who they got: A GOALIE!!!
Ilya Bryzgalov is his name. Destroying a team lineup for big money is his game.
Oh yeah, they also got Jakub Voracek, Brayden Schenn, Wayne Simmonds, Max Talbot, some guy named Jaromir Jagr, and another dman (more on him later).
Located at: Wells Fargo Center
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Hotness Level:
While many disagreed, I gave this team an 8 last year. I don’t care how much you love your team, but let’s face the facts. The only team in the league close to a 10 is the Blackhawks. There, I said it.
As for the Flyers, in my opinion, the team’s looks went south with the Richie and Carts trades. They were literally the faces of the franchise. Since Homer blew up the team, I think I have to start from zero and work my way up or down from there.
Who’s hot (most of these guys aren’t my cup of tea, so I’m basing this on female popularity): Claude Giroux, Danny Briere, Brayden Schenn, Max Talbot. (+1 for each)
And since I've ignored the Flyers defense this whole post, they collectively are (+1) led by Kimmo Timonen and Andrej Meszaros. Unfortunately, then there is Braydon Coburn (-1).
Bonus point for the new team bromance: Giroux and Briere, sometimes referred to as Brioux. (+1)
Additional points could be earned with roster additions during training camp. Here are some potential Flyer cuties:
Ben Holmstrom and his flow (pictured with Mike Testuwide and Andrew Rowe)
Matt Read, who joined Twitter shortly after I asked his roomie, Mike Testuwide, via tweet to get him join, so . . . (@read1mat)
Zac Rinaldo (trouble with a capital T, and also not my cup of tea) seen here with the Flyers porn star, Gina Lynn. You may recognize her, as she has slept with been photographed with these current and former Flyers: Claude Giroux, Jeff Carter, Mike Richards, Scottie Upshall, Joffrey Lupul, Ben Eager, Riley Cote, and Danny Briere.
Tom Sestito - who wants you to follow him on twitter @TomSestito23
Final score: 5
. . . Wait a minute. Flyers might now have a Swede on the team?
*in my best Marge Simpson*
“Whaaaat?”
The angels are singing. What a beautiful man – Andreas Lilja.
His hockey career is on the downturn, but I’ll give it a pass since he was part of a Cup winning team.
New final score – TEN!!! I kid. 7. Seven is the final number.
14 comments:
I am not a huge Flyers fan but reading this excellent "one-a-day" was pure awesomeness...
Re: Giroux - just hide everyone! *sigh*
Big thanks to Noodles & Henrik for putting up with me an all the edits.
And shout out to my Mom for the photoshop work.
Grace, you have outdone yourself yet again. Loving - and defending - this motley crew of orange-clad miscreants isn't exactly the easiest gig in the world and you do it all with such zen, ease and aplomb.
There is some frosting in the mail for you from yours truly. You'll see.
As for Mr. Holmgren - if you want to know what he's been smoking, GO FIND STAN BOWMAN and ask him how many fingers. They're both dastardly, demented evil doers. There. I said it.
As for Latoilette, if it turns out he guilted anybody on team into going to Dry Island or Burning Man or Canada's Wonderland or wherever the fuck - and if it also turns out that management upheld/encouraged said guilt plan - I certainly hope it occurs to these nincompoops that they can and probably should get litigious in a big hurry. Franchises don't have the legal right to cross that kind of line, and it's their duty to make sure coaches and training staff understand that as well. Once again, the PA needs to better educate its membership about the issues that most impact players' careers/reputations in the "new" NHL. Grrrr.
I think I mostly agree with the hotness totals... VERY nice intel on the prospects, too. VER-VER-NICE. But Lilja? Srsly? You're excited he's on the Flyers? This is the same dunce who blamed my Sheanene for rearranging his brain after he pulled/peeled Nene's backward and made him fall headfirst/back onto the ice. I am contra concussions but I am also contra guys who don't accept responsibility when they provoke a player and pick a fight that leads to something worse. You should be excited to have Simmonds and Superstar, though. Those guys will start some shit and make some shit happen for sure!
You know how you always think the guys on your team are hot, because you feel like you kinda know them? They are stories, pictures etc that warm your heart and give you blurry vision. Well it also works in reverse. I feel like I kind of know the Flyers and so have a hard time being objective. I'll have to take your word on who's hot, I just don't see it. You must deduct points for Pronger, not good looking and he's an arrogant SOB and childish.
Max Talbot is more than a man-whore, he is a media whore. I mean that in the nicest possible way. He is the guy who will do interviews no one else wants to do. He doesn't mind making fun of himself. He's comfortable in front of cameras and microphones. That can be a very good thing. I did have a friend who suggested that his decision to go to the Flyers had less to do with money and more to do with 24/7.
How could you write this without a mention of the "Jagr" man? Slew Pens fans in the pre-noon hour of July 1 without so much of a clue as to his where abouts!!
I'm not sure how he would figure in to the hotness factor but he has a better haircut than he did in the 90's!Wouldnt want to be him when they ride into Consol this year.
@Grace - Two thumbs up on this great write up! Just one question...does Philly have parks so Ilya doesn't hafta be mad any more :)?
It should also be mentioned that JVR & his mole are excellent tweeters. I love when he & his pals chirp each other. Everyone give him a follow @JVReemer21.
Great one a day Grace! And I don't even LIKE these guys! Yeah I got cussed out by a drunk Flyers fan in my own barn last year. Not fun. Wasn't a fan before. That didn't help. (and it was on Rod Brind'Amour jersey retirement night for god's sakes!)
But I may have cheered for them in playoffs (I feel like I need to cough up a furball) because they were playing the Sabres. Shhh. Don't tell.
I also sort of adore Danny Briere. Shhh. Don't tell that either. It's those puppy dog eyes...like Paul McCartney 97 years ago. And the French. *sigh* I spent a large part of the season obsessing over the Brioux bromance. "Ha! They aren't talking about plays! They are debating who has to take out the trash!" Real kneeslappers I tell ya.
@msd I may have written a blog post once once about my violent hatred of Chris Pronger because he may be my most hated NHL player. EVER. HATE.THE.CHRIS.PRONGER. I felt BETRAYED when Jamie McLennan posted a picture of himself with PRONGER. "I like you! How can you be FRIENDS with him?!"
We got the cup with Lavi so people still dig him but the Goalie Carousel? WHAT.THE.HELL? INSANITY. Speaking of goalies, any dish/info/take on Brian Boucher? I am excited to have him here.
Almost finished...I hear more about the Flyers than I want to because I can't stop reading David Boreanz on the Twitter. But the porn star? Ewww. Just ewww.
Ok now I DO have to take out the trash because Danny Briere did not do his damned chores. His ass is sleeping and I rolling that shit to the curb. In a Hurricanes shirsey. And no pants. Peace out.
Oh and I spy Anthony Stewart in that bicep trio. He was my diversity addition to the Canes hotness. He looks like a total idiot in that picture. That is one of the few non-team photos I could find of him and figured it might HURT my case do to the tooliness of the pose. Funny to see it show up here!
Thanks for the love everyone.
@MouthGuard - I gave Lilja 2 points solely for his looks and being Swedish. I have already made adjustments to my Carnival itinerary so that I can meet him. As for his play, I really don't know much, good or bad. As I wrote, he "might" make the roster, but with guys like Erik Gustafsson (yay, another Swede) and Oskars Bartulis also competing for a spot, he may end up as a 3rd line D, a seat warmer in the pressbox, or in the minors.
This should be one of the more interesting training camps for the Flyers - a lot a new faces have an opportunity to make the roster.
@Esbee - about the porn star, no actual proof that she slept with the guys (that part was supposed to have a line through it but didn't convert right to this blog). BUT, she is a porn star, and they are hockey players, so you can draw your own conclusions. And you are right, eww.
Wait, what is this? Is this - god! - a FLYERS fan that I might possibly like? This is traumatic and confusing for a Pens girl, but it has all the necessary elements that bind us as lady fans. There's mutual appreciation for Max, and yes, you guys will love him... there's the understanding that the boys from the farm team are there to be scrutinised sexually... the disbelief when components of the team actually work... seeming hatred for Pronger... check, check and check. Yup, Grace is awesome
Aww, thanks Laurie.
BREAKING NEWS: A source close to the team says Brioux is no longer (G is moving out). Apparently the split was amicable. Not sure how this will affect the kids. Stay tuned.
Son of bitch! This can't happen to me! First my Erik Cole/Jeff Skinner bromance broke up. Now my Brioux bromance is separating domestically. I can't take any more of this stress.
Thanks for the newsflash!
Was it something Claude said? Maybe Danny couldn't take the socks on the floor...AGAIN? How many times do I have to tell him? (but in French)
I useta hate the Flyers cuz of the SCF. Now I hate the Canucks. More than I ever hated the Flyers, actually. WAY more. I'm supercurious to see what comes of the guys who call themselves the Flyers now (Hartnell, Briere and Cousin Oliver?)...
Carcillo.....hmm.
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