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Double Date
A one-on-one date with Mike Richards or Jeff Carter is not an easy task during the season, since these two pretty much are together 24/7.
Therefore, this is the Double Date Summer Shirtless Edition (yes, it is true, they do go their separate ways, at least for a couple weeks during the summer).
Who: Mike Richards
Date: He takes you for a ride on one of his boats in Kenora. Later, he does some fishing while you watch and work on your tan. You end the day eating some freshly caught fish on the deck at his cottage.
(the 2 guys wearing shirts are his brothers)
OR
Who: Jeff Carter
Date: He takes you for a ride on a jet ski. Later, he plays some street hockey with some local kids while you watch and work on your tan. You end the day by playing some beer pong before heading out to party at La Costa in Sea Isle, NJ.
I don’t think you can really go wrong with either, but who do you choose?
16 comments:
Give me both... of course, that is coming from a Flyers fan who is not ashamed to love these two men... I'm glad to see it's a summer date because right now they both looka little creepy with their Movember Mustaches...
Eh, if have to take either, then I gotta go with the captain.
I find them both creepy but I guess, if forced to choose, Richie is the less creepy one (and less infectious) and his comments humor me. Silly little boy.
Beavis & Butthead? No? Beavis OR Butthead? Seriously?
GodDAMMit.
They both repulse me. Yet I remain frustratingly transfixed. One of them, however, is significantly more feral than the other. He's frequently verklempt, vaguely religious and various sluts have suggested that his privates are -- well -- "piquant" to say the least.
Hey, 18: Drop 'em, Butthead. Have to. He's smarter than he wants you to believe. And delightfully dirty/virtuous. Just don't forget to bring you gas mask to bed with you. You'll need it.
Ah yes, Carter's shaggy bleached blonde look is thankfully a thing of the past. He cut it a couple of weeks ago.
Again, no love for the Fly boys. Oh well. I'd enjoy a "ride" with these boys any day of the week and twice on Sundays.
How about agreeing to date both of them? We go out on Mike's boat and while Mike and Jeff talk about Jeff's hair, I sneak a scroll through one of their Iphones and copy down Danny Briere's number? Suddenly we're attacked by a pirate who looks uncannily like Scott Hartnell and in the confusion that follows, I hop in the skiv and hightail it to meet my sad-eyed one on the pier to a trail of 'arrrrrrrrr!!!' s....
Well, considering Mike Richards' voice is more high-pitched than mine and considering I have a mayja thang for blonds... Naaah.
To heck with both of them. When's the Staal brothers edition?? (you can even leave the gingers out -- only blond Staals need apply)
@All You Bitches. Seriously. Listen Up:
BACK OFF BRIèRE. He's MINEs. 'Kay?
Per Dr. Fassbinder, Divorced Men w/Mustaches = Damaged Goods.
That means he's mines.
Bring on all the disgusting jokes and innuendo you want re Carter (Beavis) & 18 (Butthead). But Brière -- nuh-no. Different species entirely. I will come getcha.
Trying to secure a deal for him to come to the Sharks just so he's closer and I finally have some honest-to-goodness manly eye candy to admire in person at the HP estie de tabarnacle. i will teach him to kayak in the dark under the Golden Gate Bridge, by moonlight, and we will feed each other snow crab omelets by day in Tiburon.
His ex-wife can suck it.
Boo. Yah.
These two do nothing for me, can I swap them for a couple of Pens???
Briere's DIVORCED???????
Oh, IT'S ON. Mouthguard, meet you behind the Boudin Bakery after dark. Only one of us is sleepin' with the seals and it ain't me. I'm from the meand streets of the Chi and Chelios has my back, if he hasn't been gargling ground glass for lunch.
Unless we can reach some sort of compromise...
Yeah I'm so stoked I misspelled stuff. That's how tough I am.
Plus your assmunch GM (and my former girlhood crush) Dougie Wilson is on my shitlist for his little offseason antics re: Hammer/Antti so this grudge is growing...
@Jennifer: Affirmative. Briere is divorced and currently rebounding. But okay okay okay. There's room for Danny, Danny's mustache, Danny's wetsuit, my crazy ass and your crazier ass in the kayak. Okay? We should be fine but I swear if we start to sink in the Bay I'll have to toss you overboard to the -- oh lord forgive me for this -- SHARKS. (bbbbbbooooooooo!!!) Douglas Murray will be anxiously waiting to give you mouth-to-mouth (ewwwwwwww!!!!!) as you flop ashore, cursing my existence and covered with jellyfish stings. You blew your chance to go shopping with us at Trader Joe's too. It's your own damn fault, woman!
Dude, I HATE the Sharks. It's like the worst-kept secret in all of hockeydom. I have great affection for certain Shark players and yes, for Doug Wilson, but that doesn't change the fact that they are just no damn fun to watch, they choke when they really should swallow (c'mon, swallow that sucka down!) and for real those helmets they wear? Not for the hockey. These guys are probably the most especially needy, special needs, not-the-sharpest-knives-in-the-drawer players in the NHL. They are also FUGLY. I need non-stop titillation at games. It's just no good. They are at the mercy of a clueless oligopoly ownership, which makes Wilson a lame duck GM. Bless his heart.
So it's up to me to plot, plan and take action! One day at a time...
PS - Chelios? I throw you down to a Date With An Oldster grudgematch. It's a RACE! Then we'll let the people decide which date seems more plausible!
mikey defs. doesn't matter what the date is, i'd go with him any day.
@ Jennifer and MouthGuard - Now that Briere is single, he is puckin all the ladies. Now to get pucked, you are going to have to go into enemy territory and pretend you are a Flyers fan.
I was lucky enough to get pucked by Briere, it was hard and wet. I won't forget it.
I plan to thank him for the puck at the Flyers Carnival. : P
@Grace: The Flyers Carnival? Isn't that the one that has all those Bearded Ladies with mutton chops growing down their legs?
Bearded Lady, you must be referring to Hartnell. His greatest act is managing to stay upright more than 1 minute on the ice. (there is actually a drinking game about Captain Gravity)
if we were all being honest the date would actual consist of trying to run away as fast as you can because you realize each of them has only invited you out to watch them make out with the other. they are so disgusting it makes me a little sad that i just ate a yummy snickers bar, because now i might just have to throw it up
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