Sunday, August 22, 2010

One-A-Day: Montreal Canadiens

Montreal Canadiens




The Habs snuck into the playoffs as the eighth and final seed. We were happy for them because we always liked Jaroslav Halak and Carey Price.

Then they proceeded to take the Caps to seven games, winning in ridiculous style. We were happy about it.

But then they defeated the Penguins in seven games sooooo....not so good.


But the real story was the change in management for the front office. Bob Gainey stepped down and was replaced by Pierre Gauthier.

And in the off-season, Gauthier decided that Carey Price was what the Habs needed, not Jaroslav Halak so he traded him to St. Louis. We're sure that some Habs fans started a riot when they heard about the trade.


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General Manager - Pierre Gauthier

Coach - Jacques Martin


Team Captain - nooooo one yet

Player(s) everyone should love - Josh Gorges because he keeps Carey Price in line and is also a pretty good defenseman


Player we don’t love - Scott Gomez, and we never will like him

Who they got - Karri Ramo, Lars Eller, Alex Auld, Curtis Sanford, Dustin Boyd


Who they lost - Jaroslav Halak, Sergei Kostitsyn, Dominic Moore, Paul Mara, Marc-Andre Bergeron

Located at - Bell Centre


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Hotness level (on a scale of 1 to 10) - 5

It's a team full of underachievers and guys who are really, really hot when you've had a few too many but just 'eh' when you're sober. Plus, uh, Scott Gomez is there and he really, really brings any team down. But we just never liked him. When Carey Price is on, he's adorable. So a five is appropriate.

9 comments:

恩宛玲如 said...

財富並非永遠的朋友,但朋友卻是永遠的財富。......................................................................

Shanny said...

I've never, ever liked Scott Gomez either.

di3zel said...

Oh my god... GORGY IS SO FUCKING AWESOME! I wish he's gonna be our Captain, he's so cool and humble. I agree Gomer is ugly, he doesn't seem to like Montreal and us ( the die hard fans).... and he sucks when Cammy or Gionta is missing, that's the sadest part. About the hotness thing, I think the team deserves a solid 8. Check these out : Carey Price, Maxim Lapierre, Tomas Plekanec, Josh Gorges, Tom Pyatt, Michael Cammalleri, P.K Subban. Okay okay, we're not in Pittsburgh or Chicago but still... I think it makes the top five easily. A lot of young meat over here haha

top apple said...

i beg to differ... hotness is WAY up there. mostly because of one sexy mr. halbert p. gill.

ps- this recap was ok... but as a habs fan, i have to say it would have been nice to read one written by someone who actually LIKES the team. :/

MouthGuard said...

"When Carey Price is on, he's adorable. So a five is appropriate."

W. T. F. ???? !!!! ⊗⊗⊗⊗

GodDAMNit. Are you guys helping yourselves to Stan Bowman's peyote??? Hell, NO is Carey Price "adorable." NEVER. Or "Gorgy." Sorry, di3zel. There are some nasty-ass in-the-raw Polaroidage of both Beavis & Butthead in animal-print thongage on the internets and it's NOT PRETTY. JFGI. Just Fucking Google It.

Hey, here's an idea. Maybe we can "sex" them up and render the Habs "ASSez hot" thus-ly. How about buying "Gorgy" one of these lovingly handcrafted adult sized onesie or bodysuit intended for ageplay or adult babies?

And "ASSez" takes on a whole new dimension for Mr. "BACK-up" Goalie when he receives a Sex Education Demo Butt from his faithful fans. Sample Product Description, with mean-spirited commentary from yours truly:

- I am pretty tough and can definitely handle some passing around [RILLY?], but I would advise folks that I am still sensitive and fragile [UNDERSTATEMENT, DUDE!], just as any other handmade piece [MAYBE HE SHOULD CONSULT W/SCUDERI ON "PIECES"!!!] and shouldn’t be played with too roughly [SRSLY!]. If I get dirty, I can be wiped down with a wet cloth and let to air dry. [EVEN THE HABS TOWEL BOY CREW BOLTS WHEN THEY SEE YOU COMIN' SWEETAY.]

- While I am sexy, I am not a sex toy. [TRUE DAT.] I know, it's a bummer, but you should probably keep it out of my bum. [REMIND YOUR BROSEPHS, DUDE.]

- Turn around time to make me is about 3-4 weeks! [DID YOU SAY "TURNAROUND?"] Awesome. And I swear I DID NOT make any of this up!

I give these guys a solid 1 out of 10. I would rather watch Bruce Boudreau and Barry Trotz saunter on a "Clothing Optional" beach any day of the year (even with risk of shrinkage) than look at the Habs in any state of dress, jello, undress, Subban, buttercream, shaven, fartbeaten or unshaven. Blech.

Go Nordiques, estie de tabarnacle de colis. Ciboir!

MouthGuard said...

"When Carey Price is on, he's adorable. So a five is appropriate."

W. T. F. ???? !!!! ⊗⊗⊗⊗

GodDAMNit. Are you guys helping yourselves to Stan Bowman's peyote??? Hell, NO is Carey Price "adorable." NEVER. Or "Gorgy." Sorry, di3zel. There are some nasty-ass in-the-raw Polaroidage of both Beavis & Butthead in animal-print thongage on the internets and it's NOT PRETTY. JFGI. Just Fucking Google It.

Hey, here's an idea. Maybe we can "sex" them up and render the Habs "ASSez hot" thus-ly. How about buying "Gorgy" one of these lovingly handcrafted adult sized onesie or bodysuit intended for ageplay or adult babies?

And "ASSez" takes on a whole new dimension for Mr. "BACK-up" Goalie when he receives a Sex Education Demo Butt from his faithful fans. Sample Product Description, with mean-spirited commentary from yours truly:

- I am pretty tough and can definitely handle some passing around [RILLY?], but I would advise folks that I am still sensitive and fragile [UNDERSTATEMENT, DUDE!], just as any other handmade piece [MAYBE HE SHOULD CONSULT W/SCUDERI ON "PIECES"!!!] and shouldn’t be played with too roughly [SRSLY!]. If I get dirty, I can be wiped down with a wet cloth and let to air dry. [EVEN THE HABS TOWEL BOY CREW BOLTS WHEN THEY SEE YOU COMIN' SWEETAY.]

- While I am sexy, I am not a sex toy. [TRUE DAT.] I know, it's a bummer, but you should probably keep it out of my bum. [REMIND YOUR BROSEPHS, DUDE.]

- Turn around time to make me is about 3-4 weeks! [DID YOU SAY "TURNAROUND?"] Awesome. And I swear I DID NOT make any of this up!

I give these guys a solid 1 out of 10. I would rather watch Bruce Boudreau and Barry Trotz saunter on a "Clothing Optional" beach any day of the year (even with risk of shrinkage) than look at the Habs in any state of dress, jello, undress, Subban, buttercream, shaven, fartbeaten or unshaven. Blech.

Go Nordiques, estie de tabarnacle de colis. Ciboir!

MouthGuard said...

Apologies for the double-post. My partylights short-circuited and I got a weird error message... :( xxxx MG

Cat said...

Being a Bruins fan it pretty much goes without saying that I am not a Habs fan, BUT I do love when our two teams play and I do think they are sometimes more under-rated than they deserve to be. However, wtf was with choosing Price over Halak??? Big mistake imo, but then again I love watching Habs fans lose their minds when he's letting pucks in.... ;)

EHisCDN said...

Ick the Habs. I hate them even more then usual (as a Leafs fan I must hate them) since they eliminated my beloved Pens from the playoffs this year!