Goose Got Me Loose.....Game Seventy-Nine: Penguins At Panters

Panters 4 - Penguins 2


Two losses in a row? Meh, we can handle that. Because the game we saw is probably a little different than the one that you saw. And it's definitely different than what actually happened.

It all started with a badly timed joke and Coachy leaving his lucky tie in the hamper in Pittsburgh. It's all his fault.

We have it on good authority that most of the Penguins were wasted last night. We are not giving up sources but he's left-handed and French-Canadian.


The Penguins busted into the hotel the night before the game and Crazy Fitzgerald was screaming at the boys, "PICK UP YOUR LUGGAGE, BITCHES! GET YOUR ROOM ASSIGNMENTS! GO TO BED!"

But Jordan doesn't listen. He wakes up TK by slapping him really hard in the face and screaming, "TYLEEEEEEEEEEER KENNEDYYYYYYYYYY!" So they do...it's not like there's anything else to do in Flo-Rida. They get a few other Penguins in on their little escapade.

Kris steals everyone's keys just in case.

Twenty minutes later and everyone's drinking out of a keg. Then TK gets the bright idea to do a kegstand. Of course Jordan has to do it too and he screams at people to help him. Halbert is the only Penguin tall enough to hold him up so he's got the duty.

Captain stands in the corner with his mixed drink and this jealous girlfriend bitchface directed towards Jordan and K-Unit.


There is a knock on the door and Jonathan Toews barges in with a beer bong and a case of Labatt Blue.


Grandpa Guerin and his walker were not invited. But it wasn't like he cared because he was passed out in his room after OD-ing on applesauce and Ben-Gay.


Brooks and Matt see who can break dance better. This is of course after several Red Bulls and vodkas.

The only Penguins that didn't partake in the festivities were Pascal and Mark. Pascal was too busy shaping his eyebrows and Mark doesn't believe in doing anything that will make him fat.

That's why they made something of their lives during the game.

Dupuis's goal was a classic, "WTF" goal. Vokoun had no idea how the puck got past him. That's what happens when you're lulled into complacency by the Penguins cycling.


We've also found out that Coachy has dance parties during intermissions and that is why Crazy Fitzgerald is always out of breath and sweaty for the second intermission interview.


But you know, Malkin had to ruin the partay by making prank calls to the Panters locker room. That's why Mr. Ballard helped him do a cartwheel on the ice.


Like we said before, we'll live and they'll make the play offs.