Ray Shero has asked us to be the GM for a day and we have decided to make a trade since all Penguins fans are so gung ho about trading someone.
#1 - Ryan Whitney retires and takes over Paul Steigerwald's job.
#2 - Penguins sign Jason Voorhees from Camp Crystal Lake to play defense.
WELCOME TO PITTSBURGH JASON VOORHEES!
In his fist game was a Penguin, Voorhees is dubbed "The Slasher" because of how many Toronto Maple Leafs fans he slaughters before the anthems are even sung.
Penguins fans rejoice as Brooks Orpik walks out of the arena mumbling how his job was gone and the Penguins didn't need him anymore.
Throughout the game, The Slasher wears #13 and swings his machete-like stick in front of Marc-Andre Fleury's crease. Not a single player gets in his way when he's out there.
The game ends with seven Maple Leafs dead and one accidental Penguin death (Jeff Taffe was a victim of friendly fire) but the Penguins win 2-0 with Petr Sykora scoring both goals.
Brian Burke complains to the media about how it wasn't a fair fight and that the Penguins defense committed more penalties than were called.
He even calls up Colin Campbell to get a suspension handed out to Miro Satan for slap-fighting with Jason Blake.
Happy Friday The 13th!