Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Step Back From That Ledge, My Friend.....Game Thirty-Seven: Bruins At Penguins



Tim Wallace may not have won the fight but that isn't what counts. What counts is that he stood up to the big bad bear and showed no fear. He told the Bruins that he wasn't going to take their shit.

Why is Milan Lucic pinching Lil' Timmy's chub?

Timmy Wallace: Crazy little bastard.


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Everyone who is a Penguins fan knows about the players-only meeting held after the loss. We just wonder why Malkin wasn't there. We saw him running out of the arena after the game, girlfriend in tow.


Sid's face there is scary. We would hate to have him and Brooks Orpik yell at us. Like Evgeniya said, "I'd have to go into therapy after that." We totally agree.

At the very least, Pascal Dupuis and Ryan Whitney decided to show up when the rest of the team just didn't feel like it.


Hopefully, revenge will be theirs on New Year's Day.


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And Go Blackhawks!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

WJHC Update!

Everyone who is draft-watching knows about the battle between John Tavares and Victor Hedman for the top spot in 2009.



(We will just feel bad for whoever has to play for Tampa Bay).

But there are so many other players for both Sweden and Canada who are stepping up to the plate. In the last game Magnus Svensson Paajarvi scored twice for Sweden and Jamie Benn had a hat trick in Canada's 15-0 win.



It's awesome to watch the games when other players make an impact, not just the most talked about players.

TSN, where we spend most of our days during this 'holiday', has a list of the NHL-drafted players they expect to have an impact at the WJHC. Article.

Here's TSN's WJHC page where you can find the schedule.

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Russia is the sexy pick for people to root for. We blame the hotness of Nikita Filatov for that. Or maybe it's because Alex Ovechkin is Russian.





They are currently 2-0 in this young tournament by beating Latvia 4-1 and Finland 5-2.

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The Canadians are owning everyone beneath them. They aren't like the Penguins who lose to Tampa Bay and win against the Bruins.

First game was against the Czech Republic and Team Canada came out on top 8-1. Then they completely destroyed Kazakhstan 15-0.

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And last but not least, Team USA.



On the first day of the tournament, they beat Germany 8-2 then snuck out a win against the Czech Republic 4-3.

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Those are the big three teams.

Although Sweden is kind of creeping up on everyone else and quietly dominating everyone in their path. There should be a couple of interesting games between Canada and Sweden and even Sweden and Russia.


Sweden is 3-0. Watch out for them.

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TSN's main WJHC page is insane. There is so much information and videos and articles that we can't even keep track of it all.

Main page. Check it out for yourself.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Awards Monday: Week Thirteen

Guess what kiddies?

It's motherf-ing Awards Monday and we can't wait to get this week's selections on paper.

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Hottie Of The Week



Chicago Blackhawks, Columbus Blue Jcakets and the Nashville Predators

We give these three teams the Hottie Award for being beneficial to the Pittsburgh Penguins.

The Jackets and Hawks both beat the stuffing out of the Philadelphia Flyers in back-to-back games.

Oh, boo-hoo.

And the Predators also are in on this award because they beat the Detroit Red Wings in regulations. Let us repeat that, IN REGULATION.

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Best Commercial Of The Night



TSN Interview



It's not actually a commercial but it's one of the funniest things we've seen and we love the sense of humor Stefan Legein has. That mustache, oh we mean duster, is amazing.

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The Ryan Malone Wheaties Award


Bryan Little

Usually we make fun of Brians that spell their name with a 'y' because that just means they're gonna be a future gay but Little has had an amazing week.

He might be the only bright spot in Atlanta. Besides Tobias Enstrom (who still scares us).

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Carey Price Is Jesus Christ.....Game Thirty-Six: Canadiens At Penguins

Canadiens 3 - Penguins 2

It just seems like the Penguins don't really feel like winning this month. And we can't wait for 2008 to finally be f-ing over.

What a drag this month was. At least Christmas was pretty awesome.

The Penguins really seemed to play this game and it was nice to see. And they shot the puck, GASP!


Pascal Dupuis was dominant. We really like him with Sidney Crosby. But really, anyone is an upgrade from our favorite scapegoat, Jeff Taffe.


Things we noticed while cursing Carey Price.....

-The broadcast was delayed a little and we actually got to see Jeff Jimmerson. What a treat.


-There was a contigent of Habs fans sitting across from us. And they were singing that "Ole" song. Douchebags, wooot!

-If Pascal Dupuis wouldn't have scored we would have called up Crosby's buddy, Gary Bettman, and complained. Cause that's what Penguins fans do.

-Petr Sykora's pre-game helmet hair is better than sex.


-The Habs scored like two seconds in. Lame.

-Too bad it wasn't Sergei Kostitsyn with the hat trick because at least he's the slut. Andrei's just scary-looking and bald.

-Marc-Andre Fleury channeled Martin Brodeur to make a save on a short-handed breakaway. His face afterwards just shows us how insane he really is.


-There were some crazy bounces the entire game, it was only a matter of time when they came back to bite the Penguins in the ass.

-We really couldnt see what happened to Crosby behind the net at the arena but thank Gary for Bobby because he shows us what we want to see on FSN replays.

-Latendresse is on our permanent ShitList now.

-Carey Price was a motherf-ing machine during the third period. He was all business.

-We are going to bring it up again, TAKE MALKIN OFF THE POINT! Do you think it was a coincidence that the Pens won when Malkin was not on the point in New Jersey? We don't think it was.


-Another quietly awesome game by Ryan Whtitney. And no one hates him yet, amazing. Goligoski is still terrified of getting sent back down.

-It's only a matter if time....at least we keep telling ourselves that.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Is Chicago, Is Not Chicago.....Flyers At Blackhawks

Hawks 5 - Flyers 1


Our usual programming is delayed for this game recap.

The Hockey Junkies took a Christmas trip to Chicagoland to watch the Hawks defeat the Flyers.

It was a trip of a lifetime.

-We woke up around 7 a.m. and started the drive to Chicago after a trip to McDonalds of course.

-Ohio is flat.

-Indiana is also flat.

-Chicago was raining and flooding. There were still people shopping in the high-end stores lining the streets.

-The parking garage elevator had different music on each level. We parked on the Frank Sinatra level.


There was some crazy weather, raining and fogging and sleeting.

-We ate at Gino's East and gorged ourselves on deep dish pizza while we listened to emo 90's music. Ah, good times.

-Henrik, while wearing her hooker boots, stepped into a giant slush pool. She screamed as a cab screeched to a halt in front of her. Inside the cab was Jonathan Toews. We almost peed ourselves from excitement.


-Chicago Stadium...United Center. The most amazing arena in the world.


-Henrik bought a Patrick Sharp t-shirt and Noodles splurged on a Duncan Keith. We couldn't help it.


-The opening video was odd. The Hawks players were like back-alley raping these shadowy hockey players through the streets of Chicago.

Opening face off

-Music at the United Center is amazing. They played f-ing Head Automatica. That's worth the price of admission right there.

-Fans cheer and clap throughout the anthem. It literally gives you chills.


-The Hawks scored only a few minutes in. Andrew Ladd was first and Patrick Sharp did after.

-During the intermission, they played a video to write-in Patrick Sharp.


-Chris Gratton was bitching at Craig Adams on the bench and then they finally fought. It was pretty sweet.

-John and Joan Cusack were in attendance.

-We made Toews into a verb. When you Toews someone or "You've been Toews-ed" it means that you just got an eyebrow raise/bitchface.


-Hawks fans kept chanting, "De-troit sucks!"

-During the second intermission, they do a fan shootout. There is a child, a woman and a man. The woman is usually blonde, pretty and wearing hooker boots.


-Third period, Hawks scored two 5-on-3 goals. One was Brian Campbell and the other was Kris Versteeg, the leading rookie scorer.

-Commercial break had a video on the jumbotron called "One Minute At The Forefront" and some doctor showed us what a shoulder injury is by demonstrating on Kris Versteeg. Yowza.


-Troy Brouwer and Mike Richards fought. And Brouwer owned Richards. We really like Mikey (unfortunately) but he got pwned.


-When Scott Hartnell gets frustrated, he does stupid shit. He punched Martin Havlat in the back of the head before he skated to the bench. What a liability.

-There was a child in a Briere jersey and we had to hold Noodles back from punching him in the soft-spot.

-Outside the arena, Henrik was stopped by a man who asked her if she was the girl in the fan shootout. It was the boots.

-It was awesome to see the Flyers get completely owned by the Hawks. What an amazing game.


-Insane traffic going into the Burgh. Some moron decided to hit someone else right before the Fort Pitt Tunnels. Idiot!



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In other news, the Penguins shut out the New Jersey Devils.

Marc-Andre Fleury was amazing. And we were shocked that they even won. Guess it's a good thing that we don't expect the Penguins to win.


Timmy Wallace is our boy. He is a mini-Orpik. He will score a big goal for the team, we know it.

Friday, December 26, 2008

World Juniors: Defense And Goaltenders, Oh Baby

Hey guys! Macke here again. Here is Part II of my Team Canada preview! Today we take a closer look at defense and goal.


DEFENSE:

FIRST LINE- THE SHUT DOWN PAIR
Thomas Hickey and Colten Teubert.

This is going to be a defensive pair that we will be counting on throughout the whole tournament. Captain Thomas Hickey is a reliable force on the blueline and plays on the powerplay as well. When Hickey was taken 4th overall in 2007, it was seen as a really off-the-board pick, leaving last year’s captain Karl Alzner on the table for the Capitals and the 5th pick. But now, it really doesn’t seem odd at all- Hickey has developed into one of the finest defensemen not in the NHL. The Kings are obviously stocking up on fantastic young defensemen, with Hickey, Jack Johnson, Wayne Simmonds (from last year’s Team Canada), and guess who, Colten Teubert. Teubert isn’t going to be the guy putting up points, but neither was Luke Schenn last year. He’s there to provide a big, gritty, fierce, competitive presence. He’s a stay-at-home guy and you’ll see him against high-skilled players like Nikita Filatov.

SECOND LINE- THE TWO TOWERS
Tyler Myers and Keith Aulie.

This is the big line. I say ‘big’ quite literally- the average size of this line is 6’6.5” and 214 pounds. Another pair of WHL kids, Myers and Aulie are basically the shutdown pair #2. Tyler Myers is one of the best skaters I’ve ever seen, and at 6’7” that is definitely impressive. He moves like he’s 5’10”. Aulie was named Captain of WHL Brandon Wheat Kings this year (with my favourite boy Brayden Schenn as one of his A’s) and is one of 6 players who Captains their junior teams. He’s capable of putting up a few points but again the focus for him will be as a shut-down guy.

THIRD LINE- THE OFFENSE
PK Subban and Cody Goloubef.

PK is one of four returning players on the team this year, and he is an offensive force. (What you thought Canada was all shut-down D?) He was almost point-per-game in the OHL (Belleville Bulls) before he left for camp, and last year he had 56 points in 68 games. He might need to develop a little more defensively before he makes the Bleu, Blanc et Rouge, but for now he can dominate junior. Sometimes you forget that he’s a defenseman because he plays so deep- you could call him a rover or a midfield, even. He also has a rocket from the point that has been clocked at over 100mph.

You’ll forgive me if I don’t know too much about Cody. He’s the only player from the NCAA on Team Canada this year, and I can honestly say that I don’t follow college hockey. But from what I’ve seen so far, he has great vision for offense, but is quite responsible defensively as well. He’s an all-around defenseman who will be able to counter and compliment Subban’s flair.

FOURTH LINE- THE EXTRAS
Ryan Ellis and Alex Pietrangelo.
This year, Canada opted to go with only 12 forwards and 8 defenseman, something unheard of in Canadian World Juniors history. Dan Ellis was the reason for this decision. He’s the youngest player on the team this year, one of three draft eligible players, one of which is Tavares. Ellis was brought in as a powerplay specialist, and probably won’t see that much time at even strength, but he doesn’t need it. This kid is phenomenal in the way that he reads plays (for evidence watch Tavares’ FIRST goal against Slovakia) and is an elite offensive defenseman in the OHL. When he left his junior team to play for Canada, he was 4th in Ontario league scoring. As a defenseman.

Pietrangelo (Puh-tran-gel-oh) got an 8 game tryout with the St. Louis Blues this year and didn’t look too out of place (though if you read an earlier report, I thought it was a good idea he was sent back to junior). He is extremely talented offensively and will get most of his ice time on the powerplay, but as the tournament goes on I imagine he’ll get some more time at 5-on-5.


GOALTENDERS:

DUSTIN TOKARSKI
Tokarski could probably emerge as the #1 as the tournament goes on. Up until now he’s been incredibly underrated, but this tournament should help him gain a little bit of the spotlight. He plays his best under pressure.

CHET PICKARD
Chet was the highest goalie drafted this year, going 18th to Nashville. He was given the near-impossible task of following wonderboy Carey Price as the starting goaltender for the Tri-City Americans, and responded to it by being named the CHL’s top goaltender in 07-08.



Enjoy the tournament!

GO CANADA GO

-Macke.

It's Boxing Day And That Means World Junior Championships Are A Go

For Canadian hockey fans, Boxing Day can only mean one thing: the start of the World Junior Championships. This year, Canada goes for their 5th straight Gold, and 11th straight medal, and the pressure is higher than ever for these teenagers from across the country to deliver.

Noodles and Henrik asked me to do a little preview of the team for all the non-Canadians, though I feel kind of bad for giving away my country’s secrets.

I’ll start with the forwards!


FIRST LINE:

The most recent edition of this line has been John Tavares with Chris DiDomenico and Angelo Esposito. It doesn’t look like this one will stick as they didn’t seem to click at even strength, and Team Canada desperately wants to be able to use John Tavares as an even strength threat as well as a powerplay threat.

Obviously, John Tavares is going to be huge for us. He had 4 goals in the pre-tournament tournament, all on the powerplay, including one incredible highlight-reel goal for his second against Slovakia (if you haven’t seen it, GO WATCH IT, right now!). He’s got some added responsibility this year, with the A on his chest, but I guarantee you this kid will prove why he deserves to go #1. In the three exhibition games, he’s already changed a lot of minds and is back on top with the majority of NHL scouts.

DiDomenico is kind of a feel-good story. From Woodbridge, Ontario (for Oilers fans: home of Andrew Cogliano) he went undrafted to the OHL but got the call from QMJHL team St. John Sea Dogs where he led them in points as a rookie. He managed to pick up points on a team that was hard-pressed to get any at all. Now he’s getting a look on the top line beside John Tavares.

The fourth time was the charm for Angelo Esposito as he avoided being the only player in Team Canada history to be cut from the junior team 4 times in a row. Members of Team Canada management are quite happy with how he’s come along though- they said that last year, he wasn’t even close to making the team. Goal scoring won’t be a big thing for Espostito, but that’s not really what he’s about.


SECOND LINE:
Jordan Eberle, Cody Hodgson, and Zach Boychuk. This line has been incredible so far for Canada, and will almost certainly stick together for the rest of the tournament. The chemistry on this line is just jaw-dropping. You wouldn’t believe that they’ve only been together for a week.

Cody was so, so close to making the Canucks this year. I had the fortune of being able to see him play in a couple pre-season games with the ‘Nucks in September, and I can tell you, this kid is already a pro. He sees the ice so well and finished the pre-tourney with 3 points in each game. He is unreal. The one-two punch of Tavares and Hodgson will make Canada a dominant offensive force once more this year. You’ll see them play together on the first unit powerplay.

Edmonton drafted Jordan 22nd overall in the 2008 draft, so I’ve seen a little more of him this year than I would normally. He’s a little undersized but this kid is a scoring machine. I think he could have potted 50 goals this year in the Western Hockey League, which does not happen too often. I’ll be watching him real close this year.

Zach is one of four returning players on Team Canada (the others being PK Subban, Thomas Hickey, and John Tavares) and will provide two things that everyone will be happy about: scoring and leadership. This entire line will be dominant offensively and extremely fun to watch.


THIRD LINE:
TSN recently called this the “Pest Line” and is often referred to as our Energy Line. Patrice Cormier, Stefan Della Rovere, and new addition Evander Kane create an effective line for the team.

Cormier proved how dangerous he is in the last game with a short-handed goal off a perfect short-side top-corner shot. Stefan Della Rovere delivers some of the biggest hits I’ve seen in hockey- he nearly took a 6-foot-6 230lb giant of a Slovak out of the game with a huge open ice hit, and he’s only 5’11 200lbs. He plays a huge game and he’s already growing on me as one of my favourite players of the tournament (must be something about the Stefan’s.)

Kane was a player that many thought should have made the team right off the bat, but it took a season-ending injury to Dana Tyrell to bring him in. There is no doubt that if Canada had opted for 13 forwards and 7 defenseman that Kane would have made the team, but we, and he, I’m sure, will take whatever he can get. He’s a high scoring offensive guy that I imagine will get a look with John Tavares as well, and will definitely go top 10 in the ’09 draft.


FOURTH LINE:
Jamie Benn, Tyler Ennis, and Brett Sonne. I find it almost insane that we could have players of this level playing on the fourth line. You can hardly even call it a fourth line.

Jamie Benn is a pure goalscorer and will probably get a look on the top line as someone to help finish some of Tavares’ incredible passing plays. He’s sitting 2nd in the WHL for goals, even after missing a handful of games. He missed 20 games last year and was still 14th in goalscoring (no one in the top 75 played less games.)

Tyler Ennis is very small, but very quick and is an excellent offensive talent, and is very durable, playing all 70 games in the WHL season last year. He’s an incredible skater and can pull off great plays at high speeds. I’m rooting for him because he’s the only Edmonton boy on the team.

Brett Sonne, even after missing the past couple of weeks for Team Canada, sits 2nd in WHL scoring with 23G 32A for 55 points in just 34 games. He’s aggressive and hard working and will be an impact role player for Canada this year.


I’ll be back with another post on Team Canada’s defense and goaltending.

Stay tuned.


-Macke

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Baby, It's Cold Outside

In keeping with the theme of Christmas today, we have decided to send out the Christmas cards today.

Most are (poorly) photoshopped pictures of our friends with their fake husbands with wedding bells and Christmas decorations.

But Evgeniya got us beat in the Christmas card selection this year.

She made the most spectacular Christmas card that a delusional hockey fan-girl could ask for. Honestly.



We were rendered speechless (for about 5 seconds) when we received this.

Our favorite part, upon further analysis of the picture, is the American flag banana hammock that the SC is wearing. It is quite inappropriate and hilarious.

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The San Jose Sharks would like to go a-carolling with you this evening.



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Little Tim Marchant, interviewer extraordinaire, has some questions for his father's teammates about the holidays.



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If you've ever wanted to know what the Flames favorite Christmas gifts were...


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The Chicago Blackhawks might be the closest team in the league. They all seem to like each other.

Here's there annual Christmas party...



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Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year in like ninety languages from the Columbus Blue Jackets.



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From the Los Angeles Kings.....



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Twas The Night Before Christmas...

Christmas video.

You know you love it.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

It's All Jeff Taffe's Fault.....Game Thirty-Four: Lightning At Penguins

Lightning 2 - Penguins 0

We are blaming Jeff Taffe for the loss.

He gets the blame for our being late to work this morning.

It's all Jeff Taffe's fault that Gary Bettman loves Sidney Crosby.

Jeff Taffe is to blame. What an AHL-er.

The Penguins fell asleep quicker than that last time we were roofied.


There is no logical reasoning behind this, we just want to. It seems like the right thing to do.

The game was too painful to recount for even a brief recap so we shall do it for you by the good things and the bad things.

The Good.

- Ryan Whitney played a great game. He even had like two hits, we are throwing our shocked faces right now. We loved seeing him curse when he blocked a shot with his thigh. Henrik wants to wash his dirty mouth out with soap.

-Marc-Andre Fleury was a wall. Until he opened his five-hole like the French whore that he is.

-At least Ryan Malone didn't score.



-Timmy "Bear" Wallace is still the shiz. He can totally be our new BF if any of our husbands failboat.

-Empty net misses were had by both teams. Even Stamkos couldn't find the empty cage.

-Bob Errey had a Santa hat on. Henrik was babbling about how cute it was.

-No one got injured.


The Bad.

-Mike Smith shut the Penguins out.

-Does Tampa have any other defensemen besides Andrej Meszaros and Paul Ranger? And they still suck.

-Looks like bad times in the Penguins locker room.

-It's always the fourth-liners who score for Tampa on us. Unless it's in overtime.

-Kris Letang is injured? Kill us now.

-Ryan Whitney is back.

/end.


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On to happier things...



Happy Holidays to you and your fake spouses from the Hockey Junkies!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

It Is Time...

The return.

We have been making a big deal about the return of Ryan Whitney and that is only because Noodles won't shut the hell up about it.

Honestly, it's like she's married to him or something..... Guess she forgot about this night. Oops.


It's official though, his return is tonight against the Tampa Bay Lightning. We don't expect him to play a lot and it's gonna be funny seeing him shying away from physical contact.

Oh, wait, didn't he do that before surgery?

Booya!

Sorry, we make fun because we are emotionally stunted and we absolutely love the man.

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Derick Brassard decided to fight.



And injured his shoulder. He is out for the season.

We are lucky that Whitney is coming back because Noodles was on the edge of the window. He was her favorite rookie and pick for the Calder.

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Brandon Sutter fought Noah Welch in a game a few nights ago.



We are just surprised that Sutter didn't break in half when Welch merely grabbed him.

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Henrik found a pretty interesting article about the Canadiens and their centennial. Yeah, we never thought we would say 'interesting' and 'Canadiens' in the same sentence either.

Article.

It's always surprising how tiny goaltenders really are compared to when they have their gear on. Carey Price is a stick.

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In case we forgot to mention, it's Ryan Whitney's comeback game tonight at Mellon Arena against the Tampa Bay Lightning.

Just f.y.i.

It's Pronounced Goal-i-gos-ki, Jonesy.....Game Thirty-Three: Penguins At Sabres



Brian Engblom and Keith Jones think it's funny when their Alzheimer's kicks in and they don't know how to put letters together to form a word.

That's why Versus is what it is.

And thank god we don't have to see the Sabres again this season because we don't know how many more times we could hear, "Oh, Vanek has magic hands around the net" without offing ourselves.


Things we noticed while chit-chatting in our living room.....

-Buffalo fans will cheer for anything...literally. They stand and cheer for an icing call.

-The Penguins defense got a beat down the whole night. We are surprised that none of them are filing for PFAs from the Sabres forwards.


-Eric Godard got a penalty for breathing, again. The refs should just let him do his job and stop penalizing him for being slow and Frankenstein-y.

-Bravo to Malkin for not destroying the game for the Penguins. (so mean but it's our opinion)


-Timmy Wallace, yet again, was on fire. We think he takes speed before each game. Hell, it could be before the three shifts he takes a game for all we know.

-Only one power play for the Penguins the whole game? And it was when Rookie was punched in the head? Lame sauce.

-We thought Petr deflected Goligoski's first shot and Jordan deflected the other, but we were wrong.


-Kris Letang had a good game, hitting bitches and taking shots off the boot. What a trooper.


-During the second intermission, Chris Simpson totally tried to molest Rookie. We saw her eyeing him up like a nice slice of Godiva chocolate cheesecake.

-A win in OT is better than on in the shootout only because the shootout makes us too nervous. And 23 seconds in is pretty awesome.


-Thanks Captain Crosby.

What slump?