You Can Call Me.....

When we watch games or talk about players, we rarely call them by their real names.

Why you ask?

Maybe because there are so many Ryans and Alex(es) and Sidneys and we gotta keep them separate. But we like to create names that mean something to us or just funny ones that slip out and stick.

Most of the names are created because we love the player and just like to highlight the bad parts of them in jest.

Everything's going by alphabetical teams because Henrik is completely anal like that.

-&-

Anaheim Ducks
Ryan Getzlaf - Baldy
Corey Perry - Cancer, Fairy
Chris Kunitz - The Lesbian
Teemu Selanne - Chicken Bones
Rob Neidermayer - Rob "always a star" Neidermayer


Atlanta Thrashers
Zach Bogosian - Shea Weber Lt.
Ilya Kovalchuk - Kovalfuck
Tobias Enstrom - Chucky


Boston Bruins
Dennis Wideman - Tinky-Winky (we actually had a discussion on if there was a dash or not...yes, it is sad)
Chuck Kobasew - Kobrastew (from Paul Alexander) and of course, Chuckie
Zdeno Chara - Captain Zdeno (the commercial song)
Phil Kessel - Philly Cheesesteak
Milan Lucic - The Lurchback of New England
Patrice Bergeron - Old Man Bergeron


Buffalo Sabres
Maxim Afinogenov - Coast To Coast Maxim Afinogenov (in Rick Jeanneret voice)
Drew Stafford - Dwew Shtafford (in Bryan Murray's lisp)
Jason Pominville - Population of Pominville


Caorlina Hurricanes
Rod Brind'Amour - Rod The Bod
Brandon Sutter - Manorexia


Columbus BlueJackets
Raffi Torres - Faggy Torres
RJ Umberger - RJ Plumberger
Fedor Tyutin - Tyuts
Rick Nash - Fatty
Derick Brassard - The Man


Calgary Flames
Dion Phaneuf - D or Frankeneuf
Miikka Kiprusoff - The Red-Headed Step-Child


Chicago Blackhawks
Jonathan Toews - Captain Serious, Tazer, Second Favorite Captain
Patrick Kane - Rock You Like A PattyKane
Duncan Keith - HolyWowDunc
Brent Seabrook - Seabs
Cam Barker - Bob
Patrick Sharp - Patrick "pass when he should shoot, shoot when he should pass" Sharp
Brian Campbell - The Ginger
Kris Versteeg - Verbeauty


Colorado Avalanche
Joe Sakic - Cul-de-Sakic
Peter Budaj - Sparkle


Dallas Stars
Matt Niskanen - Turnonvers, Nisky
James Neal - Jimmy or Yimmy
Sean Avery - Aves
Brad Richards - Bradford, Brad-Pickle
Darryl Sydor - Darryl-Pickle
Fabian Brunnstrom - Fab


Detroit Red Wings
Kris Draper - Draper the Raper
Mikael Samulesson - Preggers
Kirk Maltby - Maltball
Nicklas Lidstrom - The Perfect Human
Henrik Zetterberg - Zetterdouche
Pavel Datsyuk - Pear-Head
Niklas Kronwall - Nikky
Marian Hossa - Dick Forehead


Edmonton Oilers
Kyle Brodziak - Hot Brodz (totally stolen from a blog somewhere years ago and we can't stop saying it)
Shawn Horcoff - StinkEye
Ales Hemsky - Hemmer, when he scores, "Stop! HemmerTime!"
Sam Gagner - The Hobbit
Jason Strudwick - Strudstache
Erik Cole - The Blubbering Vagina or BV(we're girls, we're allowed to say that word)
Lubomir Visnovsky - Cookies, Lubo
Zach Stortini - Hands Of Stone
Andrew Cogliano - Cogs, the I-talian
Ethan Moreau - Third Favorite Captain
Dustin Penner - D-P! or Fatty McFatterton


Florida Panters
Keith Ballard - Master Hip-Checker
Bryan McCabe - Own-Goal McCabe
Rostislav Olesz - Rusty


Los Angeles Kings
Patrick O'Sullivan - Patty O
Jack Johnson - Robocop, JMFJ
Oscar Moller - Oscar Moller Weiner
Dustin Brown - Captain Fatty


Minnesota Wild
Marc-Andre Bergeron - MAB
Nicklas Backstrom - The Finn


Montreal Canadiens
The Kostitsyns - Kostiggins (courtesy of Don Cherry)
Roman Hamrlik - fake!Souray
Carey Price - Country Bumpkin


New Jersey Devils
Patrik Elias - Heppy A
Travis Zajac - Pat Sajak
Zach Parise - the little boy, Zachy
John Madden - The Shadow
Paul Martin - Keebler Elf
Antti Salmela - Salmonella


Nashville Predators
Shea Weber - Shea-baby, Bad-Ass or 'I Like it, I love it, I want some more Shea Weber'
Patric Hornqvist - Horny
Dan Ellis - Cutie
Jason Arnott - OhMyHairJasonArnott


New York Islanders
Mike Comrie - Yo Mama's Birthday
Freddy Meyer - Frederick Meyer the 4th


New York Rangers
Ryan Callahan - Cally
Fredrik Sjostrom - Freddie
Nigel Dawes - Nigel With The Brie
Scott Gomez - Devil 4 Life
Nikolai Zherdev - Nikki
Brandon Dubinsky - Future Captain
Dan Girardi - G-Rad
Wade Redden - WADE!!!
Henrik Lundqvist - Henke, Hen-rik
Markus Naslund - Nazzy


Ottawa Senators
Dany Heatley - Dany "can't keep his stick down" Heatley
Nick Foligno - The Doormat
Christoph Schubert - Schubie Schnitzel
Jason Spezza - Yayson, Farfigshnarkin, Donkey Laugh, 16in. Shin Pads, Weak Wrists
Daniel Alfredsson - Daniel Fagelsson


Philadelphia Flyers
Scott Hartnell -
Mike Richards - Not Brad
Matt Carle - SpongeBob SquarePants
Joffrey Lupul - The Pool Ball
Simon Gagne - Concussion


Phoenix Coyotes
Olli Jokinen - Pig-Face
Kyle Turris - Coming To America...Today!


Pittsburgh Penguins
(we know you scrolled down to read this first)
Hal Gill - Halbert, Skillzy
Jordan Staal - Big Body Presence, Jordie, Underager
Miroslav Satan - Stan, Miro, Lard-Sandwich
Brooks Orpik - Crazy Eyes
Kris Letang - Tanger/Tang
Rob Scuderi - Dumper Bob
Petr Sykora - SweetPetes, Petes, Sykkie
Evgeni Malkin - Failboat, Close Your Mouth Birds Are Nesting In It
Sidney Crosby - Mr. Fantastic, Mr. Highlight, Sid, Cappy, Hubby, Glitter
Tyler Kennedy - Animal
Ryan Whitney - Boston Boy, Fail, Fatty
Alex Goligoski - Gogo, Gogs, Ryan Whitney Lite, Rookie, Honeypants


San Jose Sharks
Torrey Mitchell - Torrey-Pickle
Devin Setoguchi - Seto


St. Louis Blues
David Perron - Rookie
T.J. Oshie - Teej
Andy McDonald - My Little Potato
Brad Boyes - Bradley


Tampa Bay Lightning
Ryan Malone - Tater Cakes (although the 'Cakes' has been dropped since he left the Penguins)
Andrej Mezzaros - Mezzy, MesFUCKzaros
Steve(n) Stamkos - Who?
Paul Ranger - Paulie


Toronto Maple Leafs
Luke Schenn - Lukey
Lee Stempniak - Leesus


Vancouver Canucks
Ryan Kesler - Kes
Shane O'Brien - Shane O'Bitch
Willie Mitchell - Taking The Candy
Alex Edler - Eds, Frankenstein
Kevin Bieksa - Canadian Samuel L Jackson, Kev
Steve Bernier - You're The One For Me, Fatty


Washington Capitals
Alex Ovechkin - Obenchkin
Sergei Federov - Feds
Alex Semin - The Other One, He Who Shall Not Be Named


The End.