As fans, we are still getting over the Stanley Cup Finals. We don’t think there has been a series more brutal to our fragile minds than that one. And physically being there when Chris Osgood lifted the Cup over his head put us into the hospital for a few months.
Since the dawn of the Jaromir Jagr years, we have been Penguins fans. It wasn’t because of him, duh, it was because we were old enough to realize that the world didn’t revolve around Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Chef Boyardee.
Don’t judge us because we weren’t alive during the “good old days”. Whatev.
Mario Lemieux is our one and only savior. He is the face behind the face of the franchise. He was the original ‘first-line center’. Mario is the reason that Sidney Crosby is in the Burgh and the reason why there is even a team still here.
We shall forever be in debt to his greatness.
And our children will forever be in debt to the greatness that is Sidney Crosby years from now. We know that he’s gonna be great no matter what anyone says. We just want his ankle to stay away from the boards.
Since the off season started we have heard every ridiculous thing said about the Penguins. That they won’t even make the play offs because we lost Ryan Malone AND Marian Hossa. That Brooks Orpik was given too much money and he won’t be worth the extra money. That Marc-Andre Fleury’s performance in the play offs was a fluke.
The writers who perpetuate those myths in the natural habitat
Honestly, we do not want to diffuse those ideas. Let those idiots have them, we have our own speculations on other teams. But that doesn’t make us an expert on those teams. We know the Penguins and we have faith in the team.
George Michael said it perfectly
Ray Shero is one of our favorite GMs. We absolutely love him but if he ever even thought about trading Petr Sykora we would have put Nair in his shampoo. Just saying that he better watch his back if that happens.
Shero does what he thinks is necessary, what he thinks will benefit the team. Shero does the best he can with what he has in the time allotted and everything works out.
Sure, Marian Hossa left. But Shero signed Miroslav Satan. He is not nearly as talented but maybe, just maybe, he won’t miss the net nearly as much as Hossa did and save us the mini-heart attacks.
And Ryan Malone deserted the Penguins for more money and hotter Ice Girls. But again, Shero signed Ruslan Fedotenko. Yeah, he only had like one goal last season but he wasn’t playing on the same line as a Sidney Crosby or Evgeni Malkin. You tell us, who is better…Crosby or Mike Comrie?
Yeah, that’s what we thought.
And hopefully the injury jinx leaves the Pens this season cause we don’t know if we can take any more broken bones and high-ankle sprains. Noodles is still eating her weight in Oreos because of the Ryan Whitney Fiasco, as she calls it. If he isn’t back by the play offs, we’re taking our grandma’s house hostage.
There’s nothing like a long off season to make us go bonkers and believe that the Penguins are gonna Three Mile Island. But every season arrives and we are just as excited about this one as we were the last one. Every season has its ups and downs and favorite moments, we can’t wait.
General Manager – Ray Shero
Coach – Michel Therrien
Team Captain – Sidney Crosby
Player(s)Everyone Should Love – Sidney Crosby, Ryan Whitney, Petr Sykora and Brooks Orpik; we love like everyone but we had to narrow it down somewhat
Player We Don’t Love – Dany Sabourin because he will never be Ty Conklin
Who They Got – Matt Cooke, Miroslav Satan, Ruslan Fedotenko, Bill Thomas, Janne Pesonen
Who They Lost – Marian Hossa, Ryan Malone, Adam Hall, Georges Laraque, Jarkko Ruutu, Gary Roberts, Kris Beech, Ty Conklin
Located At – home or the Mellon Arena or the Igloo or the Civic Arena if you’re that old school and pompous
Hotness Level (on a scale from 1 to Gary) – Gary
Although the Pens had lost Marian Hossa and Ty Conklin and our god, Gary Roberts they are still on fire. What other team can boast Sidney Crosby, Max Talbot, Kris Letang, Marc-Andre Fleury, Jordan Staal and Ryan Whitney as their core of young (and hot) players.
And the up-and –coming boys are adorable as well. It just keeps getting better and better, ha!