The land of the hanging chad and vacation spots that look like rest homes. The team is like a blip on the radar of the residents of Florida. They’re too busy trying to remember their children’s names.
This is what we remember from the Florida Panthers.
That was like the last time they made the play offs. Yeah, we don’t feel bad either.
For years, bad management and dud draft choices have plagued the team. There were a few gems, like Jay Bouwmeester and David Booth, but even they don’t want to stay in Florida.
Who wouldn't want to stay with these hotties?
This off season, the Panthers decided to finally trade Olli Jokinen because after the Brad Richards trade there were two Jokinens in the Southeast Division and that was one Jokinen too many.
"I hate you. You're a meanie-pants."
We were at the draft in Ottawa when the deal went down. And it couldn’t have been received less enthusiastically. No one in Ottawa, besides Pierre Maguire, cared about it.
Now Keith Ballard, one of our favorite defensemen, will have to languish in the swamps of Florida. Heaven help him.
That is the exact face he made when told he was traded to the Panthers
Then Martin decided to steal a coach from the junior ranks. Nice. DeBoer wins an OHL Championship and leaves to coach a team that isn’t even near the level of those kids. What a great job he got hired into.
The only time we will watch Panthers games is when the Penguins are playing them. Or if they decide to have this again.
General Manager – Jacques Martin
Coach – Peter DeBoer
Team Captain –
Player Everyone Should Love – Rostislav Olesz because anyone who can survive a (questionable) Double Dion hit deserves to be loved.
Player We Don’t Love – Nathan Horton
Who They Got – Keith Ballard, Nick Boynton, Cory Stillman
Who They Lost – Olli Jokinen (TSN broke down and we're too lazy to look it up anywhere else)
Located At – BankAtlantic Center
The real panthers are ashamed of this AHL-caliber team
Hotness Level (on a scale from 1 to Gary) – retch
There is no number low enough to calculate the negative hotness that is present on this team. And not even Gary Roberts residual presence could save the team from retchedness. Haha, literally.