We swear that the Hurricanes are the Achilles heel of the Penguins. We also believe the Mellon Arena ghosts are trying to atone for that by maiming the Hurricanes players.
That’s just life. We could spend all day just listing all the injuries that happened to the Hurricanes when they were at the Mellon. And we won’t even count players who used to play for the Hurricanes.
It’s still a lot.
The Hurricanes were last relevant when they won the Cup in 2006. We still remember watching Chris Pronger crying as Rod the Bod raised the Cup in the air and yelled like Tarzan.
People don’t forget.
Then right before the actual season started, Rutherford traded JACK JOHNSON to the Kings for an oldster and a defenseman.
WHAT THE ASS?!
We remember hearing that and going, “Holy Schnieke!” It was that much of a shock.
Then the Hurricanes flounder the next season and don’t even make the play offs. Hmm, awkward. Guess Eric Staal forgot how to score and Cam Ward forgot how to stop a shot? We guess so.
The biggest thing this offseason was the trade between the Hurricanes and the Oilers. They sent Erik Cole to Edmonton for Joni Pitkanen. Hope they are excited to get a soft defenseman.
He so soff
Maybe Cole was scared of seeing Brooks Orpik for the next six years of his life and decided to force his leave. We can only speculate.
The only thing saving the Hurricanes, and getting us to watch, is the eventual call-up of Brandon Sutter. He has his moments…we can’t help it.
General Manager – Jim ‘silly pants’ Rutherford
Coach – Peter ‘rabbit’ Laviolette
Team Captain – Rod ‘the bod’ Brind’Amour
Player Everyone Should Love – Cam Ward; he’s just so sweet-looking
Player We Don’t Love – Joe Corvo just because he looks creepy
Who They Got – Josef Melichar, Joni Pitkanen
Who They Lost – Glen Wesley, Erik Cole
Located At – RBC Center…home of the loudest fans, when they actually put away the tractors and care
Hotness Level (on a scale from 1 to Gary) – 1.5
And that’s us being totally benevolent. Carolina has finally drafted some good looking youngsters buuuuut they just aren’t seasoned enough yet. Cam Ward gets the Canes a .5 but that’s all he can do since he is married.