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Boston Bruins
In 2009-2010, the Big Bad Boston Bruins started out slow, with a mediocre record, despite an excellent pre-season performance. Traitor Phil Kessel thought he was better than he really was, and when the B's wouldn't pay up, he wanted out. When he left to Toronto, he took his talent with him. Ergo, the Bruins had the lowest Goals For out of any team for the season. How many... 206? Hey, Kessel turned his back on us, we turn out back on Kessel.
BUT IT'S NOT OVER YET! Despite having very unproductive offense, the Bruins stayed in the playoff running with insanely great defense. In between the pipes were Vezina Trophy winner Tim Thomas (you might call him old, we call him "experienced"), and rookie phenom Tuukka Rask. Winning streaks in November and December put the Bruins back on track as serious playoff contenders.
Inside every Bruins fan is a Red Sox fan. C'mon, this is Boston, the City of Champions. The 2010 Winter Classic was held at friendly Fenway Park, pleasing many Bruins and Sox fans.
The Philadelphia Flyers came to town flying, and they held the lead for most of the game. A scoreless first period was brought to life when Bruins badass Shawn Thornton and Flyers enforcer Daniel Carcillo fought, Carcillo earning the take-down. In the second period, Flyer Danny Syvret scored his first goal while Tim Thomas was busy shoving Shrek-like Scott Hartnell out of his way. Third period... and it's not looking good. There's a little over two minutes left, and the Bruins don't seem to be doing much. IT'S AN EARTHQUAKE, IT'S AN AVALANCHE, NO! IT'S ZDENO CHARA, AND HE WAS TRIPPED BY KIMMO TIMONEN! The ground shook when he hit the ice, and people held their breathes, praying for a referee to notice. Hello Power Play. Mark Recchi (you might call him old, we call him "experienced") scores on the power play with 2:18 left in regulation. How dramatic.
And now kids, is a little thing called Overtime. Tim Thomas was definitely paying attention to the game now, making two great saves to keep the Bruins in the thing. The Bruins make a rush to the other end of the ice, and alternate Captain Patrice Bergeron passes the puck to Marco Sturm, who tips it in to win the Winter Classic for the hometown boys. Cue the 38,112 in attendance screaming for their new hero, Sturm.
Play-off time. Third in the Northeast, sixth in the Conference. A sportscaster on ESPN said that the Bruins “don’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell” of a win. The Bruins put up a good fight against the Northeast Division leading Buffalo Sabres, Miroslav Satan catching hellfire all at once. Miro the Hero. Satan the Man. After Sabre Vanek got injured, a Double OT victory in Game Four, and two more wins, the Bruins walk away, unscathed, with victory. Color commentator Jack Edwards of NESN (New England Sports Network) shouted when the final game was over “Snowball 1, Hell 0”. Take that, ESPN.
Right now… we’re pretty confident that we’re going to wipe the floor with the Philadelphia Flyers. The high from the Winter Classic was still strong. And the Bruins broke out to three quick wins in a row. We’re feeling immortal. But we all know how this ends…. In game three, Bruin sharp-shooter David Krejci injures his wrist and can’t play anymore. Flyer Simon Gagne comes back with a vengeance. And the Bruins lose three in a row.
GAME SEVEN DRAMA. BRUINS OFF TO AN EARLY LEAD, WINNING 3-0 IN THE FIRST PERIOD (two goals by Milan Lucic, who finally found his groove)... OMIGOSH, ARE WE FINALLY GONNA WIN!? Apparently it won‘t be that easy, because the Flyers come back, fighting their way to a tie. A “Too Many Men On The Ice” call against Boston with eleven minutes left, and the Flyers capitalized, Gagne scoring their fourth goal. One can still hear the echoing chants of “Bull Shit” at the Garden on full moons. The Bruins can come back, right?… Minutes ticked away, seconds ticked away, could history be made? Yes. It happened. The Flyers came back from a 3-0 series deficit, a 3-0 game seven deficit, and moved on to the Eastern Conference Finals. Sound familiar? That’s because losing in Round Two in Game Seven happened to the Bruins last year, to the Hurricanes. New and exciting ways to lose. It’s what we do. I think I only cried for three hours after the game.
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General Manager: Peter Chiarelli
Coach: Claude Julien
Team Captain: Zdeno Chara (Captain Crunch)
Player(s) Everyone Should Love: Mark Recchi. He’s the oldest player in the NHL at 42, and he’s outplaying the youngsters. 18 goals, 25 assists.
Tuukka Rask. He’ll be around for a while, so get used to this goal-saving machine. SV%: .930 in regular season. Highest in league. How do you like that, Miller/Fleury/Price/Niemi?
Patrice Bergeron. The alternate Captain has been with the Bruins since we drafted him back in 2003-2004, and he always gives it his best, scoring 19 goals this past season, with 33 assists. He played in the World Championships before he even played in the World Junior Championships! He has suffered concussions, but you‘d never know it by watching him handle the puck. We love you, Patrice Bergeron.
Marc Savard and Zdeno Chara. Savvy… you were almost killed by a dirty hit by a certain Penguin and you came back. First game that you’re back, Flyer Daniel Carcillo choked your neck. Everyone seems to have it out for you. And you bite, and we like that.
Chara… you’re our 6’9 giant and you have the hardest shot in the NHL at 105 mph.
Player(s) We Don’t Like: Well, now that Dennis Wideman (ugh) is gone to FL, there’s no one to not like. If I had to victimize someone, I’d say Tim Thomas. He won the Vezina just last year… but he’ll never have a season like that again. Drop him and free up cap space to pick up offense.
Who They Got: TYLER SEGUIN. Ranked #1 in the 2010 NHL Draft, and we got ‘em! Ha! Nathan Horton, Gregory Campbell, and Jeremy Reich.
Who They Lost: Dennis Wideman (not much of a loss) and Vladimir Sobotka. Sobotka… you were pretty awesome, and I’m still sad that you‘re a St. Louis Blue now. You didn’t know that you were under 6 feet tall, showcased by how you were willing to fight and go into the corners with anyone. A true Bruin. We’ll miss you, little buddy.
Located At: The TD Banknorth Garden. (Called “the Gahden” by us locals)
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Hotness Level: 9.3
Let me explain… Milan Lucic, Patrice Bergeron, Shawn Thornton, David Krejci, Tuukka Rask, Blake Wheeler, Johnny Boychuk, Andrew Ference, and new-boy Tyler Seguin are all eye candy. And Marc Savard has an adorable cute air about him. The B’s lose points because Sobotka isn’t with them anymore. Black and Gold automatically makes a hockey player hotter. Hence, even Chara could go on this list if you want to be generous.
